2013 Bowl Game Predictions

Sherman Ave’s premiere sports authorities (like the store: Sports Authority #ad) Samwise Donkenstein and Manua Hiki-Hiki, have come together to give their predictions for 2013’s biggest bowl games. Plan your crippling gambling addictions accordingly.

Chick-Fil-A Gays Are The Worst Bowl: Duke vs. Texas A&M

Manua Hiki-Hiki: In a turn of events not even the assholes at Duke’s Fuqua (pronounced: Fuck You) School of Business could’ve predicted, Mike Krzyzewski’s some guy’s Duke Blue Devil football team that apparently exists and isn’t just a camp for the basketball team, will be taking on Johnny Football and the Texas A&M Agatha Christies (a.k.a Aggies) in The Chick-Fil-A Intolerance Bowl.

Duke, up until a 45-7 throttling by Florida State in ACC Championship Game, had been on course for one of their best seasons in many years. However, their luck is likely to only get worse in the Honestly I Always Assumed Chick-Fil-A Was Full of Bigots Bowl. With their leading rusher Jela Duncan suspended for “an undisclosed violation of its academic policy,” otherwise known as cheating, Duke will be even further disadvantaged in an already mismatched contest against Texas A&M.

Inspiring Students Overcome Crippling Hangovers To Call Mothers

In related news, Stacy’s Mom received soooo many calls today.

Students from all over the country mustered up the strength to call their mothers today, despite the vodka-induced headache, nausea, and aversion to human contact that typically defines their Sunday afternoons.

Many of the students said that Mother’s Day, the annual holiday dedicated to the recognition and praise of the brave women who pushed us out of their wombs, is one of the most important days of the year.  One student, University of Kentucky senior Rachel Alvarez, has made this courageous phone call for three consecutive years now.