I stood in line in front of the house with the others. It was a little too cold outside. On all sides of the quad, there were similar lines to get into similar houses. The houses along the sides of the quad were long and white. The railings were coated with frost and the awnings sagged under the weight of the snow. My RC brought me into the house.
“This is Ernest,” she said, introducing me to a sister.
“Hi Ernest! Welcome to Pi Gamma Tau. It’s nice to meet you.”
Want to have a Christmas experience like we do at the Ave?
Here are just a few things you’ll need to make sure you have a Merry Heinmas:
1. Ugly sweaters, Santa hats, and reindeer antlers
Just the basics.
2. Alcohol
Lots and lots of alcohol. You wouldn’t want to hang out with your closest friends and family sober, now would you?
3. A good present
Suggestions: leather handcuffs, a framed picture of kittens, 300 pages of your Japanese homework, porn, three copies of a book that literally nobody likes, coal.
**SPOILERS** All of these presents contain porn.
It’s pretty damn hard to walk around campus anymore without being attacked by an army of bright eyed students yelling at me telling me to do DM.
Oh, if only they knew.
Of course I’ll do DM. DM is an important part of student life. I might even dare to say it’s one of the best things that we do here at Northwestern. But when I say DM, I’m not referring to the DM with dancing. Real DM. Drunk Marathon. Ten glorious three hour blocks of being drunk, one right after the other, each themed with a different type of alcohol or aspect of drunkenness. 30 hours out of normal everyday life turned into a vivacious, glorious, shitshow. So why should you do DM? Well, even though it’s kind of dangerous,[i] there are still plenty of reasons to do it. Here are a few of them.
Part 1 of A Wildly Inaccurate Biography of Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl
In the summer of 1962, a young man named Willie walks out of a liquor store carrying two cases of Bud Light and a handle of Congress vodka. He struggles under the weight of his purchases, lumbering uneasily toward a purple and white Chevy Impala parked 30 feet from the clear glass doors.
After depositing his booze in the trunk, being sure to bring five cans of beer up to the front seat with him, he slides the key into the ignition. The engine sputters for a moment and then roars to life. Willie wastes no time in speeding out into the cool night air, shotgunning a can of beer all the while.
The next Keg?
Sherman Ave editor Evander Jones teamed up with food blog What I’m Eating for Lunch’s curator Jameson Bulwinkle to provide a comprehensive statistical analysis—or bartistical analysis, if you will—of the Evanston and Chicago bars most frequently frequented by Northwestern undergraduates. But first, an explanation of the bartistical categories analyzed by Evander and Jameson:
Yelp Rating: How many Yelp starts the bar received, out of a maximum potential of five.
Distance from the Arch: As estimated in walking distance by Google Something Maps.
Best Weekly Special: The best available special the bar offers on a day of the week.
VORN: Value Over Replacement Night. This bartistic measures how much more valuable the bar’s weekly special night is compared to a random night at the same bar given the same blood alcohol content. A VORN of 5.4, for instance, means that the bar’s weekly special night is 5.4 times better than a random non-special average night at the same bar.
Food, Ambiance, and Drinks: All subjective scores, out of a maximum of ten points, assigned by Evander and Jameson.
OoS: Odds of Scoring. What is the percentage chance of an average Northwestern student patron hooking up with another patron from the bar?
BPT: Biddies per Townie. What is the ratio of biddies to townies at the bar?
ABP: Average beer price. ABP’s with asterisks are actual average prices, not estimates.
Earlier this week, Sherman Ave reached out to the four ASG presidential tickets asking to interview them. All four tickets were gracious enough to accept; this is part three of four. Look for the final interview to come later in the day.
Aaron and Henry: Befriending popos and pitbulls
What is your favorite shitty beer, and what does it tell us about you?
Henry: Do I have to answer this question if I’m not 21?
So assuming you were hypothetically of-age, what do you think your favorite shitty beer would be?
Henry: Natural Light for sure. No question.
Aaron: I’d say PBR. Now that I’m 21 I like to go to Wob.
But you can’t get PBR at Wob!
Aaron: No PBR there. So I get whatever’s on tap. Like a Dark Ale.
Henry: So there’s a way that I want to answer this question, but I feel like it’s incriminating. But I would go on to tell you some stories.
Aaron: I don’t think that’s a good idea. Continue reading
You’re basically the MLK Jr. of film-goers.
While I fully appreciate the convenience of Netflix, Hulu, and Comcast On Demand, I usually prefer to see movies in the theater. A trip to the theater is an event. Movie theaters provide a change in scenery, access to the grossest foods you could dream of, and a much-needed break from my nonexistent life at Northwestern.
Luckily, here at Northwestern, there are literally thousands of nerds to choose from when it comes to finding a movie buddy. There was no shortage of people to accompany me to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I, The Lion King in 3D, and Wreck-it Ralph. I even managed to find a person with whom I could watch trees, cosmic swirls, and a stern-looking Brad Pitt on a loop for 139 minutes in The Tree of Life.
Tonight, we’re popping popcorn in your honor.
One week ago Sunday, The Keg of Evanston closed its doors for the very last time. Tonight we conclude our Keg Week 2013 with what may–for better or worse–be the very last article we ever post about TKOE.
At this point, more words have been spilled over that shit-hole Evanston bar than Bud Light out of a big cup. Don’t worry, this epitaph will be about as brief as a dance floor hookup, and hopefully a shade less awkward.
Think of all the geographic locations pertaining to Northwestern. The Arch. The Rock. The Frat Quad. The Black House. Willard. Searle Hall. The Lakefill. Tech. Norris. Ryan Field. The Steam Tunnels. Deering. CVS. The Howard El Stop. That One Bench You Totally Made Out On With Your PA.
If you’re drinking Old Style, then chances are you’re either too old to operate a computer, or just got ejected from a Cubs game. Either way, this isn’t the blog for you.
It’s that magical time of the year again in Evanston: early March. Nobody has seen the sun in three months, finals are rapidly approaching as all of your friends at other schools gear up for spring break, and it’s so cold that Morty has moved his office to the steam tunnels.
What differentiates March from the rest of winter quarter, you may ask? Baseless hope that spring is right around the corner. Kinda like that scene in Batman where Bane is all like “Yo, this prison is the fucking TITS because being able to see the sun makes bitches go CRAZY.”
Sherman Ave 
