1) The US News & World Report will rank Northwestern in the Top 10 Best Schools in the Nation.
Opening date: June 20 2014, THE EXACT MOMENT Commencement ends. (via The Daily Northwestern)
2) The University will purchase 25 new safe ride cars.
3) The new student center and lakeside athletic facilities will be built literally overnight, complete with sports bar.
4) Morty will commission a Continue reading
Do NOT, under any circumstances, give this animal “Bill Clinton sex.”
If there is a God, why didn’t He command Noah to throw these assholes overboard?
Dolphins
It is a well-known fact that dolphins are smart motherfuckers. This is what makes them so awful. Evolutionary theorists claim that all mammals, including dolphins, evolved as land-dwelling creatures, but dolphins were evicted back to the sea after they organized and attempted to “eliminate the Koala Problem.” Dolphins are also responsible for 10% of drownings of children under twelve. They have been known to put on Bill Clinton masks and pose as mermaids to small girls, who immediately either choke on whatever saltwater they’re swimming in or instinctively stop treading water to tightly cross their legs.
Sherman Ave 