Tag Archives: BK Lounge

An open letter to the Northwestern Kid who Just Didn’t Get Involved Enough

9 Mar
Happiness Club does NOT count

Happiness Club does NOT count

Dear Northwestern Kid Who Just Didn’t Get Involved Enough,

Let’s face it.  Every single person at this university is way busier than you, and everyone knows it. Uninvolved Kid, your lack of extracurricular involvement within Northwestern is like a giant dildo on the floor of a nursing home. We all know it’s there, but we really, really don’t want to bring it up.

Remember how you sobbed after realizing how fucking fat and lazy you’ve gotten since high school? How you dripped tears and snot onto your iPhone and Siri was like “whoa, this kid needs his mom” and called her for you? And how your faithful mom, who has been glued to her phone ever since that one time you rang her up about barfing in the BK lounge AGAIN, answered your moaning self-denigration with a “Honey! Of course that’s not true. You’re my little rainbow! Why, I bet everyone at your smart college thinks about themselves the same way.”

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Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Burger King

16 Aug

Tendercrisp sammiches never tasted as delicious as they do at 2 o'clock in the morning

Outside of Evanston, most people know Burger King as a run-of-the-mill fast food joint that exclusively employs cracked-out high school dropouts. At Northwestern, however, Burger King (colloquially known as “BK” or “The BK Lounge”) is the place to go if you want ruefully sub-par food (although it may not seem so at the time), the experience of seeing a security guard power-trip more than was previously conceivable, and the guarantee of a drunken encounter with that hot girl from your Global History discussion. Rumored to be the highest grossing Burger King in the United States, this sacred building on Clark Street is familiar to all Northwestern students. To help ease your transition into the student body, here are some insights into this legendary establishment.

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