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Tag Archives: blow

The Hollow Pastiche of Beyoncé’s Genius: A Reviéw

13 Dec

BEYONCE

The songs on Beyoncé’s fifth studio album, BEYONCÉ, are fine. They’re good songs that sound like the music Beyoncé makes, which is what people like to listen to. The music on the album is whatever and absolutely besides the point because OH MY GOD BEY JUST BROUGHT THE INTERNET TO A GRINDING HALT. Beyoncé unexpectedly dropping a 14-song album and the 17 corresponding music videos plus credits exclusively on iTunes—and the ensuing collective Internet swoon—makes Beyoncé pop culture’s truest celebrity and genius. But the mega-stardom and brilliance of Beyoncé and her album succeeds either because of, or in spite of her “visual album” presenting a form of pastiche as devoid of substantive value as Upworthy, and not even half as inspired.

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The Greatest Toys of the 90s

4 Dec
Oh God. The eyes.

Now it’s Furby’s turn to play with you.

It’s that special time of the year–when people are running around frantically chasing the best deals and sob over their sleep-deprived, caffeine-fueled bender that maxed-out their credit cards on Cyber Monday. Which presumes, of course, that they weren’t trampled on Black Friday, and instead only stomped others to death. You might have proverbial blood on your hands, but at least you got a Nook, amirite!?

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