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Tag Archives: breathalyzer

An Open Letter from Evanston to NU Students on Dillo Day

30 May
What I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

What I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

Dear Asshats,

As you’re no doubt aware, and we know you’re no doubt aware because you’ve been counting down every frickin’ minute since last June, Northwestern’s Mayfest is at the end of this week. Dildo day or whatever the eff. Haha Dildo. See what I did there? Said a dirty word. High five, Carl.

Now I know that you think this is the one day of the year where there’s an understanding between us and… you people… regarding the consumption of the devil’s water and the shouting of the word ‘blowjob.’ Like somehow we’ll be ok with you crossing Sheridan Road into out territory.

We’ve killed people for less.

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