The Pope is dope and here’s why

We all have families that are a little crazy, and nothing brings that out like the holiday season. But in true New Year’s fashion, it’s time to reflect on the progress that has come out of the last year. And for me, that progress is the result of one guy who’s managed to soften my family’s unique craziness. So cheers to you, Pope Francis!

What’s Next for Pope Benedict XVI? New Car, New Digs, New Twitter Handle

Pope Benedict XVI about to receive a 15-yard pass from Kurt Warner, a former Cardinal.

Okay, so as most have you have probably heard by now, Pope Benedict XVI has announced plans to resign from his position as Holy See and Muslim-basher. While he hasn’t been clear on his motivation for resigning, one can only assume that it was because his faith in the Triune God (and any trace of goodness in this world, for that matter) was broken last night when Drake won Best Rap Album at the Grammy’s. Either that, or Silvio Berlusconi touched him in his no-no places and the emotional pain is just too overwhelming.

What I’m Giving Up for Lent

In case you haven’t heard, today is Ash Wednesday: the day when good little Catholic girls and boys make New Year’s resolutions in an effort for repentance. I certainly wish someone had reminded me of this before I leaned over to the girl sitting next to me in my Human Sexuality class to tell her she had something on her forehead. She laughed. I thought she was crazy.

I've got some/dirt on my forehead/could you brush it off for me?

At any rate, I got to thinking about what things I could go about losing. Here’s my favorites. For this year’s lent I will give up:

My Virginity: Yes. I know. Hard to believe that resident sexpert Norman “the sex” Stein is still a virgin. But like the virgin mother Mary, I’ve just been biding my time until I’ve met the most powerful person I can think of to take my v-card. Mary had God. For me, no less than Morty “8-inch appendage” Schapiro will suffice, making us about even. By Easter, I plan on making something rise, if you know what I mean.

My Sense of Irony: Hipsters be damned. I can go 40 days without blaming my guilty pleasures on some abstract form of irony. And for those of you saying. “But Norm! You’re not Catholic. Isn’t this whole post ir-” NO.

Liking on Facebook: Most of my likes are based on my sense of irony anyways.

The Word “Fucksaw”: Even I’m sick of it.

What are you giving up for Lent? Leave a comment!