1. Now I have 40 more Facebook friends. Can some1 say #popular?
2. Sleep
3. When I speak to people, there can be a natural pause in the conversation and I don’t have to worry that the other person will think I’m weird or awkward
4. Today my alarm went off and I was like oh I should get up and shower and then I was like nah and slept for another 25 minutes
Diversity!
Sorority recruitment is very chaotic. Sometimes it’s difficult to see clearly through the thick pink cloud of estrogen, and it can be hard to hear over the dull roar of WHAT’S YOUR WINTER BREAK WHAT DORM PWILD TELL ME ABOUT YOUR BOBB WHAT CLASSES HAVE NEW TRIER WHERE DO YOU ROOMMATE MY VALUES INCLUDE THE BAY AREA.
So that’s why I’ve got your back. Shit usually goes down something like this:
Hey there. Hi. Yes, you.
You, the person we’ve never seen in this class before. You, the one who tried to cram 7 equations and 168 pages the night before (160 pages because you skipped the real-world example blurbs). Let us introduce ourselves.
We are the members of the class that make up that 100-level distro you thought would be easy but woops you forgot at Northwestern every class is weed-out. You may not know this but we hang out a lot. Where ,you may ask? Only every single one of the professor’s office hour session, and we haven’t seen you at a single one. In fact, we can’t even remember seeing you at one of the professor’s intimate home-cooked dinner parties either.
After four grueling rounds, here we are. It’s been a long and hard road for Modern Cosmology and Psych Stats, who both faced a process more strenuous and harrowing than registering for classes on CAESAR to reach the Championship Round in the first annual Best Winter Quarter Distro Bracket Challenge, sponsored by Klondike®! 32 courses entered, but only one can be crowned as the best embodiment of all the qualities that should comprise a distro: Easy, interesting, and compatible with the side-effects of early-onset collegiate alcoholism and/or nihilism.
It was never meant to be this way. Four rounds in to this heinous, heinous bracket challenge sponsored by Klondike®!, we’re left with just as much uncertainty as we began with. No one man, woman, or Vice President of Student Affairs could have conceived that we’d be here today, discussing the relative merits of banging your mother after going all Jack Ruby on good old pops Athenian Drama. Be honest, who could have foreseen Psych Stats smashing through the competition like Professor Gorvine on Miley’s wrecking ball? Sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes Food and Society is cut down in its prime, just one of the four #1 seeds dropped like you’ll be dropping Econometrics next quarter.
With the polls closed for the round of 16, the Elite 8 in Sherman Ave’s Distro of the Quarter 2K14 challenge–sponsored by Klondike®–is underway!
1. “What’s it like going to school in Boston?”
It’s Northwestern, not that other school in Boston. You know, “Chicago’s Big Ten Team?”
2. “How many times have you been to the NCAA tournament?”
Who’s really counting these days (#me #shame #depression)? Anyway, Chris Collins is going to take us to the Promised Land within the next two years, and there’s like a million other sports in which we’re bomb-ass.
3. “Son, your mother and I are getting a divorce.”
Seriously? Have you seen our ACT scores?
I still haven’t learned how to throw these properly.
When I left for college four years ago, I (like most of you) imagined I would be immersed in an environment full of intellects on their journey to better themselves by furthering their education.
I was wrong.
I soon learned that going to college is really just a lot of procrastinating on the Internet and complaining about classes crammed between drunken weekends. And it was between two especially drunken weekends in the fall of my freshman year that I learned my first lesson: There are a lot of stupid people in this world, and many of them will be more successful than you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Dear friend,
I’m sorry I haven’t written to you in a couple of weeks, but I have been trying to “study” like my advisor said. It’s strange because sometimes, I read a textbook and I think I actually understand what I have read. Also, when I write notes, I spend the next two days trying to figure out what I have written in my notes. I don’t know if this is good or bad. Nevertheless, I am trying to study.
In terms of my grades in classes, I am trying to go to fewer social events that I get invited to at school. It’s too late to try and get any A’s or anything like that, but I still try to stay in sometimes and do the work I can. Things like the assigned homework problems that don’t count for points and actually reading the textbook, even if I don’t have a fucking clue what it’s saying.
Sherman Ave 