Tag Archives: cold

Dance Marathon Participant Has Common Cold; All to be Infected

7 Mar
(via Vimeo)

(via Vimeo)

EVANSTON, IL – Weinberg freshman Stephen Linder has the common cold and will infect all participants in Northwestern’s Dance Marathon, which begins tonight. Linder has a sore throat and a runny nose, and everyone trapped inside the tent outside of Norris for 30 hours will eventually experience the same symptoms.

“Oh, boy, it’s going to be spreading like the plague in there,” said Tim McGuilicutty, MD Vice President for Medical Affairs at the Feinberg School of Medicine. Experts have confirmed that Linder will wipe his nose and then hi-five his friend, starting an uncontrollable transmission of disease that will reach every single dancer.

Officials confirmed that as they hit the second three-hour time block, dancers will begin to sniffle. By the fourth, they’ll have headaches; and by the tenth, they’ll be coughing violently.

“It’s going to be a cesspool of sweaty germs rubbing up against each other, like a human-sized petri dish,” said McGuilicutty.

To avoid infection, officials suggest not dancing. On a more positive note, doctors don’t expect to see any Saturday Night Fever during DM.

Student Calls Chicago “Chiberia;” Thinks He Is Clever, Trendy

26 Feb
Pictured: Chiberia, sometimes referred to as #Chiberia. (via mnn.com)

Pictured: Chiberia, sometimes referred to as #Chiberia. (via mnn.com)

EVANSTON, IL – Sources reported that Northwestern student Zachary Goldowitz (Weinberg ’16) said the word “Chiberia” during a conversation with his friends at lunch today and, as a result, was very, very pleased with himself.

“Yeah guys, I swear, I’m so done with living in Chiberia,” Goldowitz reportedly said, taking care to slow down the cadence of his voice drastically upon hitting that last word, in order to let his friends be able to process how cool and hip he truly is.  “When will winter end, right?”

The word Chiberia – an amalgamation of the proper nouns “Chicago” and “Siberia” – has been widely used by a large swath of the Chicagoland population in order to describe the especially cold temperatures of northeastern Illinois this winter.  The logic of the name derives from the fact that “C,” “H,” and “I” are the first three letters of “Chicago;” and that “Siberia,” a far-northern region of Russia from which the moniker takes its final five letters, is one of the coldest areas on Earth.

In order to showcase his mastery of such a niche cultural reference, Goldowitz reportedly Continue reading

If Mother Nature Live-Tweeted the Past Week’s Weather

23 Feb

MN Livetweet 1MN Livetweet 2 Continue reading

22 Things I’ve Learned So Far This Winter

8 Feb
(via Northwestern)

(via Northwestern)

1. If it drops anything less than 12 inches of snow, I literally do not give a fuck. I don’t want to hear about it on the news, I don’t want 100 statuses commemorating it on facebook, it doesn’t matter. Oh it snowed 10 inches? Rad. That happened twice last week.

2. There is no point in shoveling driveways or cleaning off cars, because in 12 hours SHIT IS GOING TO BE COVERED ONCE AGAIN IN FUCKING SNOW.

3. It may be time to accept the fact that Continue reading

The Unsettling Diary of a Frostbite Express Shuttle Driver

23 Jan

Entry one: Today I got a job as a driver of the Frostbite Express Shuttle! I start tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to helping students get to where they need to be!

Entry two: I’m so angry! My first day on the job and Continue reading

Winter Quarter at Northwestern is Amazing and I Don’t Care Who Knows It

5 Jan
(via northwestern.edu)

(via northwestern.edu)

Listen up, Wildcats. Betches love to complain about winter in Evanston. It’s soooo cold. Rush is soooo boring. I don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day. Nobody will ever love me. I’m going to die alone surrounded by my cats and McKinsey and Company employee of the month awards. The passage near Kellogg is like totally a wind tunnel. I should have gone to Madison, it’s totally not this cold up there. My Wings Over order is taking sooooo long to get here. Where is my Honey BBQ? Where is the Frosbite Express??!??!?

I’m gonna stop you right there. Winter quarter is amazing, you just don’t know it yet. Here’s a rundown of all the reasons why January through March are a wonderful time to be a Wildcat:

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Understanding and Combating S.A.D.

9 Dec
Know the signs.

Know the signs.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), commonly called ‘Winter Blues’, is a type of depression which most commonly manifests itself during the fall and winter months. Understanding the causes and signs of SAD is important to avoiding falling into depression during the cold winter months ahead.

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The Twelve Worst Things People Say to Northwestern Students

4 Nov

1. “What’s it like going to school in Boston?”
It’s Northwestern, not that other school in Boston. You know, “Chicago’s Big Ten Team?”

2. “How many times have you been to the NCAA tournament?”
Who’s really counting these days (#me #shame #depression)? Anyway, Chris Collins is going to take us to the Promised Land within the next two years, and there’s like a million other sports in which we’re bomb-ass.

3. “Son, your mother and I are getting a divorce.”
Seriously? Have you seen our ACT scores?

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27 Reasons Why You Just Can’t Write that Paper Right Now

22 Oct

1. You were trying to go to the library but it took too goddamn long to cross Sheridan.

2. The government was shut down.

3. You were looking for the crepe place in Norris.

4. You got impaled by a biker so now you lie bleeding.

5. You were writing a strongly worded letter to your local congressman.

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5 Tips for Suburban Kids Pretending to be from Chicago

16 Sep

As someone who was born and raised in Chicago (what up?!), it boils my blood that kids from the near suburbs claim that they are “from Chicago.” Just own up to the fact you are from Berwyn or Joliet or wherever, so I don’t have to rot your soul with my dirty looks. However, in the spirit of camaraderie I apparently have to feel toward other freshmen, I must look past these things, so I want to give you kids from the near suburbs (Sorry, Bourbonnais, you’re too far to make the cut) some tips on pretending to be from Chicago proper.

Learn to hate the people who love this

Learn to hate the people who love this

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