Sherman Ave’s Guide to a (Mostly) Sober Thanksgiving

It’s that time of year again.  The weather’s getting colder (kinda), the trees seem to have no problem with being naked, and my mother is encouraging me to get another flu shot “just to be safe.”  That’s right, it’s almost Thanksgiving! And as we approach the holiday in which the white Pilgrim settlers and the American Indians were able to celebrate the harvest in perfect harmony right before one group violently and unjustifiably slaughtered the other, I think it’s important that we consider a few ways in which we can make the upcoming holiday even better.

Oreo Accolade

Dear Sir or Madam:

Zion is located somewhere in between those two chocolate cookies

My purpose in this letter is plain and simple: to state bluntly how much I absolutely adore the Oreo cookie. For me, it is the highlight of my night when I have the pleasure of dunking the sacred treat into a chilled glass of milk right before I go to bed. Providing sensual comforts akin to gourmet, the Oreo cookie embraces me with an ecstasy imbued with purely artistic flavor. Without fail, every night’s sleep that is preceded by this beauteous gustatory ritual features the most wonderful dreams. In my experience, Oreos are always antecedent to a sound slumber.