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Tag Archives: DG

The Most Deranged Email From Morty You Will Ever Read

19 Apr
I don't give a flying fuck if you go to PTI about me. I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

I don’t give a flying fuck if you go to PTI about me. I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rougher fucking ride than your last lonely Friday with your fucksaw.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under the Rock, which apparently is the majority of this organization, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of tour guide stories and general social interactions with prospies. I’ve been getting emails on emails about tour guides LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself, “Oh em gee Morty, I’ve been having so much fun telling all my tours about the fabulous faculty on campus during Wildcat days!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

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