Sherman Ave’s Official Guide To Fall Dillo

Well I’ll be a motherfucker, fellow Wildcats. The glorious holiday known only as Dillo, the college equivalent of the combination of Christmas, New Years, 4^th of July and Casmir Pulaski Day, is cometh again 8 months early.

And that’s fucking SICK HOLY CHRIST.

Now, you must be thinking: “Samwise, how much glue did you snort this morning bro there’s only one Dillo.” Well let me inform you that

Dillo Day In 15 GIFs

8:00am, alarm clock goes off. You’ve been sitting awake in bed for half an hour waiting. It’s go time:

Your Dillo Day Survival Guide

What You’ll Need:

• Boys: A bro tank, one or two off-campus locations to rage, a healthy amount of hubris. Potentially a change of clothes. A flask full of shitty liquor.
• Girls: A neon hat, a neon shirt or tank, a neon fanny pack, three or four off-campus locations to rage. Potentially a change of clothes. A flask full of shitty liquor.
  

  Appropriate attire.

Do’s:

• Drink #alcohol, if you’re into that kind of thing. Dillo is the one day when less than half of students you run into will try to refer you to a support group if they spot you putting liquorbooze on your mouthlips before noon. Take advantage of that! But rest assured, if you don’t drink or have chosen not to get sloppy on Dillo, the day is still plenty of fun.

Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Dillo Day

By now, you’ve probably heard about something called Dillo Day. My guess is that when you first heard tell of this legendary shitshow, your first thought was “Teehee. That sounds like Dildo.” Well, I’m gearing up for my third Dillo Day, and that same thought still crosses my head every single time it’s mentioned, so you’re in decent shape.

You may still feel a bit confused about Dillo. That’s understandable, because Dillo is sort of like peeing on the Washington Monument; you don’t realize how great it is until you’ve actually done it. But since we’re to irreversibly corrupt help you, we’re going to do the best we can to tell you about the heavenly glory of Dillo Day.

Mayfest Goes After DildoDayShits.com

EVANSTON– The Mayfest executive board announced Tuesday night that the organization will go all out in an attempt to take down the unofficial DildoDayShits.com website.

“Stop buying dildos.” – Mayfest

“We will share their link, tell our friends about it and post on every social media platform if we have to,” Mayfest President Sam Lowell said. “I’m serious, we will literally make sure that every student at this school has heard of DildoDayShits.com.”

The move comes as Mayfest, which puts on Dillo Day, Northwestern’s annual celebration of poor decisions and disregarding ENU’s, battles a number of other unofficial Dillo websites, including D-Day.com, DillonPanthers.com and DillPickles.com.

“Let me be clear,” added Lowell. “Dillo Day is a drunken bacchanalia featuring washed up musical acts, not a lurid sex act featuring imitation genitalia. This website, featuring a Kardashian sister, IS NOT LEGITIMATE. By no means should students who have any desire to avoid prurient material visit the website.”

DildoDayShits.com said in a statement that “Mayfest can go shove it up their ass… after they purchase it on DildoDayShits.com!”

Evander Jones contributed to the reporting of this Sharticle.