Your Dillo Day Survival Guide

What You’ll Need:

• Boys: A bro tank, one or two off-campus locations to rage, a healthy amount of hubris. Potentially a change of clothes. A flask full of shitty liquor.
• Girls: A neon hat, a neon shirt or tank, a neon fanny pack, three or four off-campus locations to rage. Potentially a change of clothes. A flask full of shitty liquor.
  

  Appropriate attire.

Do’s:

• Drink #alcohol, if you’re into that kind of thing. Dillo is the one day when less than half of students you run into will try to refer you to a support group if they spot you putting liquorbooze on your mouthlips before noon. Take advantage of that! But rest assured, if you don’t drink or have chosen not to get sloppy on Dillo, the day is still plenty of fun.

Mayor Tisdahl Sacrifices First-Born Child in Anti-Dillo Day Rain Dance

EVANSTON—Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl verified claims this morning that she surrendered her 44-year-old daughter (Kathy E. Tisdahl) to Chicchan, the Mayan rain deity last night “in the heat of the moment.”  Tisdahl was spotted in a frog-like squat, crouched on the top of Northwestern’s Rebecca Crowne Clock Tower at twilight. She performed the sacrifice at the stroke of midnight, reportedly in opposition to NU’s upcoming annual Dillo Day festival.

Tisdahl would not confirm reports that she had attempted to sink the Lakefill.

“It was worth it,” Tisdahl declared as a mass of foam discharged from her mouth. “I literally couldn’t think of a better way to spend my night.”

Mayfest Goes After DildoDayShits.com

EVANSTON– The Mayfest executive board announced Tuesday night that the organization will go all out in an attempt to take down the unofficial DildoDayShits.com website.

“Stop buying dildos.” – Mayfest

“We will share their link, tell our friends about it and post on every social media platform if we have to,” Mayfest President Sam Lowell said. “I’m serious, we will literally make sure that every student at this school has heard of DildoDayShits.com.”

The move comes as Mayfest, which puts on Dillo Day, Northwestern’s annual celebration of poor decisions and disregarding ENU’s, battles a number of other unofficial Dillo websites, including D-Day.com, DillonPanthers.com and DillPickles.com.

“Let me be clear,” added Lowell. “Dillo Day is a drunken bacchanalia featuring washed up musical acts, not a lurid sex act featuring imitation genitalia. This website, featuring a Kardashian sister, IS NOT LEGITIMATE. By no means should students who have any desire to avoid prurient material visit the website.”

DildoDayShits.com said in a statement that “Mayfest can go shove it up their ass… after they purchase it on DildoDayShits.com!”

Evander Jones contributed to the reporting of this Sharticle.