NEW HAVEN, Conn.—A report from Yale’s School of Medicine published in the New England Journal of Medicine suggests that you, the reader, are a total failure and, quite frankly, an insult to the human race.
In a recent interview, head researcher Edward Feynberg made clear that the report is indeed referring to you, not to the person next to you or behind you. “Stop turning your head left and right, looking around like a damn buffoon,” he noted. “You look like an idiot. We’re talking to you.”
“How does it make you feel, fuckface?” asked Feynberg. “I hope it makes you feel awful, because you’re a waste. You’re nothing. Remember how all you did in college was sit on your bed, picking your nose and flicking your boogers over to your roommate’s side of the room? Disgusting. God, you’re awful.”
“Why can’t you be more like your brother?” asked Vanessa Donovan, another researcher Continue reading
A little over a year ago, when The Keg was first taken from us by The Unspeakables, the Sherman Ave editors made an unprecedented trip to TKOE for dinner. The dinner was, surprisingly, generally devoid of puking sorostitutes or passed out freshmen. In fact, it was fairly delish-daddy.
With that in mind we present a totally serious review of #KegDin.
No srsly, they serve food 2.
Service: There were literally zero other customers, probably because it was a Wednesday around 6 p.m. and not any time on a Monday or a Saturday night. Upon walking in, we looked for a waitress or waiter or server or busboy or human or dog or reptile or pile of vomit. No one. After about 30 seconds a waitress walked over and told us we “could sit wherever want.” Like all the classy joints. After that we were waited on hand-and-foot by a slightly depressing but generally acceptable 30-something woman. She brought water in the pitchers. Yeah. They use those urine-baskets for WATER. Continue reading
According to the online directory yelp.com, the Keg of Evanston is great for a late night and horrible for children without anything that resembles proper identification. For Sherman Ave’s ongoing celebration of Keg Week, we found the top ten yelp reviewers heinous enough to devote ten minutes of their lives to informing the greater Chicagoland area about TKOE.
10. Keg Dinner for Two
I’ve been shut out the past two times I tried to get dinner at the Keg, and this woman who looks old enough to remember when Evanston was dry is able to enjoy a meal there that cost as much as a night at Chili’s and probably tasted like a night at Joliet Correctional Center? Fate is as fickle as a co-ed on a stripper pole.
9. Nothing but the Truth
Too bad Tal R. confused Chet Haze for a New Trier dude.
8. ASIAN GIRL
Having eaten breakfast at Plex — which must be comparable to most high-end strip club breakfast buffets — I can really identify with Isaac C. Besides, most times when I scream “ASIAN GIRL,” they either mace me or shout back “HONKY BRO.” Incidentally, how much does a cab ride cost to get from The Keg to Deering?