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Tag Archives: Fan

10 Totally Safe Remarks to Make on Super Bowl Sunday if You Don’t Know Shit about Football

2 Feb

The Super Bowl is on Sunday.  This is a big game if you like football.  If you don’t know what football is, or you got invited to a Super Bowl Party by some guy/girl you’re crushing on, or if you wake up from a nap on Sunday to find a crowd has gathered around you to watch “the game,” here are a few things you can say to create the illusion that you are aware of/interested in what’s going on:

"Sports!  Throwing! Touchdown!  AHHHH!"

“Sports! Throwing! Touchdown! YEAHHH!” (via Youtube)

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Jack White sues Miami Heat fans to never chant “Seven Nation Army” again

19 Nov

the_white_stripes_lyrics1Miami, Fla.–The most recent celebrity case to hit the courts comes from Jack White, who is as much of one half of the White Stripes as Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh were equal parts of the Big 3. The creator of the song “Seven Nation Army” has come out publicly stating that the city of Miami is to cease and desist from chanting his song lest they be sued for a reported figure of $1.2 billion dollars.

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Rose Returns, D Rises

30 Oct
Rose, addressing concerns regarding his performance anxiety.

Rose, addressing concerns regarding his performance anxiety.

CHICAGO–After nearly 15 months of intense rehabilitation and sitting on the sidelines, Derrick Rose has made his return to the NBA. Despite a lukewarm 4-for-15 12-point performance last night against the defending champion Miami Heat, the Chicago Bull’s most beloved athlete looks better than ever after leading the Bulls to an undefeated 8-0 record in the preseason.

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Samwise Donkenstein’s Preseason Top 5 Feelings About This Year

24 Aug
The 6th Feeling is Swag

The 6th Feeling is Swag

It is my own misfortune, and indeed the misfortune of many reading this article, to have (mostly) unwittingly chosen a life of suffering and self-torture. I can’t ask for sympathy, I did this to myself, and I can’t ask most humans to understand my situation; how could you, being either outside the realm of fandom or lucky enough to root for a team by some other name?

I am an invested, devoted, fervent fan of the Northwestern Wildcats, and only a select few people to have ever walked this Earth truly know what that is like.

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