An Ode to the Olympic Sweater

My eyes widen, and a patriotic spark awakens
My senses, as though of Coca-Cola I had drunk,
Or inhaled a Big-Mac with four slices of bacon.
One minute passed, and then these words I had thunk:
“Tis not through hatred of the ugly lot,
but being too happy in thy ugliness,-
That thou, star-spangled cardigan of wool,
In some melodious plot
Of patchwork art, and flags numberless (aka 2),
Singest of America the beautiful.

Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Packing

Don't forget your D&D board

It’s late August, all of your friends are already at college, and – as much as you love watching 7 episodes of Jeopardy every day – you’re starting to get pretty antsy to leave home. Unfortunately, one gargantuan task stands in between you and your soon-to-be heinousness: packing. Well, tits. The dilemma of what-to-pack vs. what-not-to-pack is a difficult one for all incoming freshmen, but hopefully the following guidelines can help you pack for college with more efficiency and success.

Rule #1: Pack Light
Now I don’t want to sound like your grandpa, but when I marched across Europe in Patton’s Third Army, I was allowed to carry nothing but a canteen and a rifle. The ability to pack light is not only an excellent life skill (just ask anyone except Chris McCandless), but is also indispensable when moving to college. For one thing, you won’t make a stellar first impression on your roommate if you show up on the first day with 200 books and 35 hoodies. Additionally, it’s important to note that your dorm rooms are not especially large. And when I say “not especially large,” what I mean is “atrociously small.” Unless you live in Rogers House, in which case you have numerous other concerns.