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Tag Archives: Florida State

2013 Bowl Game Predictions

31 Dec

Sherman Ave’s premiere sports authorities (like the store: Sports Authority #ad) Samwise Donkenstein and Manua Hiki-Hiki, have come together to give their predictions for 2013’s biggest bowl games. Plan your crippling gambling addictions accordingly.

Chick-Fil-A Gays Are The Worst Bowl: Duke vs. Texas A&M

Manua Hiki-Hiki: In a turn of events not even the assholes at Duke’s Fuqua (pronounced: Fuck You) School of Business could’ve predicted, Mike Krzyzewski’s some guy’s Duke Blue Devil football team that apparently exists and isn’t just a camp for the basketball team, will be taking on Johnny Football and the Texas A&M Agatha Christies (a.k.a Aggies) in The Chick-Fil-A Intolerance Bowl.

Duke, up until a 45-7 throttling by Florida State in ACC Championship Game, had been on course for one of their best seasons in many years. However, their luck is likely to only get worse in the Honestly I Always Assumed Chick-Fil-A Was Full of Bigots Bowl. With their leading rusher Jela Duncan suspended for “an undisclosed violation of its academic policy,” otherwise known as cheating, Duke will be even further disadvantaged in an already mismatched contest against Texas A&M.

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Who You’re Rooting For In College Football This Weekend

7 Dec

Mizzou vs. Auburn

Before we even start to begin analyzing who we should be rooting for in all these matchups, there’s something that’s been bothering me for the past week, and I need to get it off my chest because I’m really worried about it.

What if, in some psychotic, cruel twist of fate, God is actually an Alabama fan? Hear me out: Continue reading

My 15 Minute Stand With Morty Schapiro in Paris

28 Mar

By now, if you Facebook stalk me to the extent I expect, you know that something magical happened in Paris this past spring break. Something greater than Florida State’s Cinderella run to the Sweet Sixteen. Something even greater than Whoopi Goldberg telling Donald Trump to STFU. Something outside of my wildest dreams. I’m referring, of course, to the time I spent with Morty “The Fucking Legend” Schapiro in the City of Lights.

It seemed like a regular Parisian afternoon. I guess that’s how these things usually go. I was walking with my parents up to the Louvre after having lunch at a café in the Tuilleries. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of purple.

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