Tag Archives: food

Ernest Hemingway visits Frontera Fresco

29 Jan

downloadI sat in Norris. Buzzer in hand, I waited for my Mexican fare from Rick Bayless’ Frontera Fresco.

I waited for my food and held my buzzer and sipped my Aqua Frescas and thought of the war. I thought of Pedro. Brave Pedro. The theater major next to me was tweeting about Beyoncé. 140 characters is far too long for a true man to express his passion.

It is cold outside, but I feel warm. The taste of Fresh-Made Jalepeño Cilantro Tortilla Chips reminds me of Pedro and Pedro’s men. In the mountains of Spain. Pedro, a brave man, a man of a man. Pedro and I, sipping wine out of the Franzia box in the mountains, waiting for death. Pedro cleaning his gun.

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Stop Taking Pictures of Your Food

3 Dec
FOR THE SEXTING

Next time, use snapchat

We need to get one thing straight: I don’t give a flying fuck about what you ate for dinner last night. Or a regular fuck, for that matter. So I don’t—repeat, DO NOT—want to see any more pictures of your goddamn food on my newsfeed.

That means you, study-abroaders. Oooh, look at you and your curry. Guess what, you puff of spicy flatulence? I can get delectable mostly-authentic cuisine delivered to the cozy warmth of the sorority house. You had to go to Europe. I’m sorry— who’s winning here?

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Sherman Ave’s Guide to a (Mostly) Sober Thanksgiving

21 Nov

It’s that time of year again.  The weather’s getting colder (kinda), the trees seem to have no problem with being naked, and my mother is encouraging me to get another flu shot “just to be safe.”  That’s right, it’s almost Thanksgiving! And as we approach the holiday in which the white Pilgrim settlers and the American Indians were able to celebrate the harvest in perfect harmony right before one group violently and unjustifiably slaughtered the other, I think it’s important that we consider a few ways in which we can make the upcoming holiday even better.

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Spring Quarter Sustenence Slump

18 May

Sad.com/plex

Holla if this is your spring quarter food situation:

1)     You’ve been eating at Allison/Sargent/Plex for 3.6 quarters now, and you’re so goddamn sick of meatloaf/stale desserts/ loneliness (respectively) that you’ve taken to crossing campus for a change of scene.

2)     You’d go out to eat, but you’re too damn broke.

Lucky for you, asshole, I’m bored, creative, and inclined to try and find flavor in a hopeless place. And lucky for me, Shepard has a wonderful kitchen (all the better to make homemade munchies with. Suck on that, Willard). So in my last quarter with a dining hall meal plan, I intend to modify and compile some recipes whose ingredients can either be easily lifted from the dining halls or bought cheaply at CVS.

Questions or contributions: Elliekinkervoss@u.northwestern.edu

The best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth

At the hall: Barbecue Chicken Pita Pizzas

So I try to powertrip as politely and unobtrusively as possible.

But holy shit you guys I found this and it’s actually the most delicious thing on the planet did you know that you can actually make it in the dining hall if you put everything on and stick it in the microwave you don’t even need to steal the shit oh my god the world is full of joy and deliciousness and I just brought it to you please send me lots of compliments because clearly I deserve them also I definitely didn’t make this several times in a row and then walk around socializing with my plate so that people who are plate gawkers would check it out like “what’s that?” and I’m like look at meeeeee you wish you were this innovative nom nom nommies I am enjoying my food today thanks to myself FFFFUUUUCCCCKKK YEEEEAHHHHHHHH.

Sorry about that. Here’s what we’ve got:
Pita bread
Grilled chicken or plain tofu
Onions (grilled or raw)
Barbecue sauce
Feta cheese

The best way to do it: put the feta in the pita and warm it in the microwave. If you’re vegetarian, get the tofu Go to the sangwich/wrap station and ask for the grilled chicken and some barbecue sauce – you can put the onions on while waiting in line.

SO GOOD.

I’ve had this tested on trusted individuals, but let me know if you have other ideas or modifications to this.

Recipe credit goes to:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/sandra-lee/bbq-chicken-pizza-recipe/index.html

It also looks like the result of Ross Packingham after he pregames a formal!

At home: Banana Bread Pudding

From the dining halls:
1/2 cup butter
a shitton (loaf) of bread, cubed
1 cup sugar
4 cups half-n-half, (or cream, or milk)
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon – West Side Plex, by the hot water

3-4 sliced bananas

Buy:
4 tsp vanilla (if you like to bake, this is a good investment anyways)
6 eggs
1 tsp nutmeg

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 375. Melt the butter and stick it in an 11 x 13 casserole dish. Mix in the bread chunks in and get them all buttery, similar to the manner in which Sir Twattingworth buttered your mother last night.

Mix all other ingredients except bananas in a separate bowl and pour over the bread chunks, making sure that all the bread chunks are soaked. Stir in the sliced bananas and bake for 40-50 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.

In other words, heat things up, get the bread wet, then stick the bananas in. Follow your primal instinct and in no time you’ll be moaning at the sheer joy in your mouth.

Recipe credit goes to:

http://www.workitmom.com/bloggers/orderingdisorder/2009/05/16/banana-bread-pudding-an-easy-crowd-pleaser/

May the heinous be with you.

Sherman Ave 2011 Readers Poll

17 Dec

Our readers lining up to take the traditional end-of-the-year Sherman Ave Readers Poll

Who the hell are you!? Welcome to the first annual Sherman Ave Readers Poll. In order to better serve the supposed readers of our humbly heinous blog, we thought that it would be a great idea to ask you a bunch of questions. Please take the time to offer your discriminating wisdom on the best music, food, movies, items stuck up the orifices of the Evanston City Council, and moments of the year. All respondents will be entered into a drawing for the chance to win Sir Edward Twattingworth III for a day, and shall also be showered with our love and gratitude.

Take the survey HERE!!!

5 Reasonable but Merciless Alternatives to the Death Penalty

27 Sep

This past Wednesday, millions of Americans were outraged over the execution of Troy Davis, a man convicted – with inconclusive evidence – of murdering a police officer in Savannah, Georgia. As the fairness of the death penalty is really drawn into question, we begin to ask ourselves: what other alternatives might there be to execution?

Watch yourself

5. Compulsory Residence in a Fundamentalist Conservative Colony
One possibility worth considering is the establishment of a prisoner colony. The automatic choice for location would be Georgia, given that it started as a prisoner colony, and has arguably been one ever since. The colony would be governed by an entity known as “The TetraDouche” – a council consisting of Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Mike Huckabee, and Rick Perry. While prisoners would not be executed in the colony, they would be forever subjected to other atrocious fundamentalist policies, such as mandatory readings of the Gospel each time a prisoner gets an erection.

Fortunately, a week with Justin Bieber was ruled far too inhumane

4. Court-ordered Jonas Brothers tour
This option would force the convicted criminal to follow the Jonas Brothers on a national tour – not only to sit through their inconceivably rancid concerts, but also to travel with them on the tour bus. Some investigatory research has indicated that more Americans fear a Jonas Brothers tour than fear death, so not only would this alternative be more humane than execution (okay, that’s debatable), but it would be more effective in crime prevention. Furthermore, there is a decent chance that it would result in said criminal physically assaulting the Jonas Brothers, an outcome no one can deny secretly desiring.

They're the same fuckers responsible for Wiz Khalifa too

3. Lifetime Season Tickets for the Pittsburgh Pirates
I can only begin to imagine how inexplicably atrocious it is to be at a Pittsburgh Pirates home game. No one would willingly spend an entire evening sitting in a hot stadium seat while the raging cocklord sitting next to them drunkenly heckles the unsuspecting Blue Jays fans on the grounds that “Canadians can’t partake in America’s pastime.” What’s worse, it’s the Pittsburgh Pirates, so there is literally no chance that you’ll ever get to see the home team win. Ultimately, the only positive aspect of this punishment would be the opportunity to feast on the woefully sub-par concession stand food, which is only sold for 15-20 times the amount it costs to produce. And to put the icing on the cake, you’re living in Pittsburgh, so the likelihood of getting dateraped by Ben Roethlisberger is substantially greater.

Wait, is this a Wildcard?

2. Community Service at The Keg of Evanston
You might be thinking, “But the KOE is a jolly place! I love going there!” However, imagine being at The Keg and not being allowed to consume alcohol. Or popcorn. Suddenly, your run-of-the-mill Monday night fuckshow has turned into a night full of unmitigated self-loathing whilst observing others in their endless debauchery. On top of that, you’d be forced to engage in community service – picking up empty cups, preventing multi-generational couples from hooking up, politely asking obese Hispanic men to remove themselves from the stripper poles, etc. After 10-15 years of spending every Monday and Saturday performing these tasks, there’s no doubt that a criminal would truly regret the crime they committed.

A life sentence of beer pong and using Snickers wrappers as condoms

1. Pledging Sig Ep
Although it has been ruled unconstitutional on the grounds of “cruel and unusual punishment” by the Supreme Court, many still support this method of alternative castigation for perpetrators of heinous crimes (OH MY GOD WE JUST MADE LEGITIMATE USE OF THE WORD HEINOUS! HOLY BALLS! IT FUCKING HAPPENED!). Yes, engaging criminals in this form of punishment would involve activities that, under certain definitions, qualify as “torture,” but the long-term penalty would be much worse – a 25 to life sentence of unchecked doucheification. This result, while being worse than death for many criminals, is indisputably more just from a moral standpoint. Even Julie Andrews, a role model for many, firmly asserted that the fairest punishment for murderers and rapists is “an inevitable lifestyle of supercalifragilisticexpialidouchiness.”

Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Dorm Life

26 Aug

The legendary Tupac Shakur once famously stated, “I didn’t choose the thug dorm life, the thug dorm life chose me.” For several reasons, surviving dorm life can certainly be one of the most difficult challenges you’ll face your freshman year. While some things (ex: People vomiting outside of your room and covering it up with printer paper) are out of your control, the proper knowledge and expectation of what lies ahead can help equip you for a successful year.

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