Sadist Requests The Food Network On Blomquist TVs

Sploosh

EVANSTON–A complete and utter douchebag who derives pleasure from other peoples’ anguish has requested that the hot chick behind the check-in desk at Blomquist Recreation Center turn the Food Network on all three televisions.

The sadist, who requested anonymity, says that observing the yearning expressions on the faces of fellow exercisers is actually more satisfying than watching Emma Watson porn.

“I like to guess which sorostitutes are on diets by measuring the amount of drool they produce during Cupcake Wars,” reported the asshat. “Then I go home, microwave some babies, and insult campus minorities.”

New Theme Restaurant to Open in Plex

Interrogation Rooms designed to feel just like EPD HQ.

EVANSTON — In response to revenue losses from the opening of Rick Bayless’ Frontera Fresco in the Norris University Center, Northwestern University food services, nuCuisine, will be opening a specialty restaurant inside Foster-Walker Complex.  The new restaurant, named “Third Degree,” is inspired by intense police dramas and will specialize in hard-boiled foods.  The Theme Restaurant is set to open by the end of January shortly after students return for winter quarter.