You can be one them!
Unaffiliated gentlemen, it’s once again the most wonderful time of the year: Frat rush. Despite what CollegeACB may say, we are totally not dirty geeds over here at The Ave. We are completely down with the T-F-M, and we’d like to use that knowledge to help you out as you attempt to get the biddiest of bids from the housiest of houses: Continue reading
The Sherman Ave Editors Ross Packingham and Sir Edward Twattingworth III sat down with Professor Gary Saul Morson for an interview. It was in Cosi. Everyone had fun.
He doesn’t care, he loves it.
Twattingworth: Where are you from?
Morson: New York.
Twattingworth: Oh. I think it was Pushkin who called New York the “concrete jungle where dreams are made of.”
Morson: Oh come on.
Twattingworth: Is that an accurate description of your hometown?
Morson: Pushkin never said any such thing.
Packingham: It was either Pushkin or Jay-Z. I understand you went to Yale?
Morson: I did.
Packingham: Is it weird being an alumnus of an institution that most of your students wanted to attend but weren’t smart enough? Continue reading
What I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
Dear Asshats,
As you’re no doubt aware, and we know you’re no doubt aware because you’ve been counting down every frickin’ minute since last June, Northwestern’s Mayfest is at the end of this week. Dildo day or whatever the eff. Haha Dildo. See what I did there? Said a dirty word. High five, Carl.
Now I know that you think this is the one day of the year where there’s an understanding between us and… you people… regarding the consumption of the devil’s water and the shouting of the word ‘blowjob.’ Like somehow we’ll be ok with you crossing Sheridan Road into out territory.
We’ve killed people for less.
Well camouflaged into the surrounding sorority habitat.
Residential Colleges at Northwestern are designed to enrich the intellectual, cultural, and social lives of their students by extending the learning environment from the classroom to extracurricular life. Essentially, a res college is a dorm filled with like-minded nerds and future friends you’ll spend the next couple of years drinking, arguing, and (for the truly venturous souls) hooking upwith.
As everybody knows, Hollywood is a restless hotbed of individual creativity. Unfortunately, some of the works of genius created by screenwriters never get turned into movies, a tragedy of the highest proportions. After extensive research, we have recently unearthed seven different scripts for movies that never quite made it to the box office, even though they totally should have.
7. Soul Patch
"That's the last flavor your chin will ever savor"
6. Casablumpkin
"I'll make it easier for you. Go ahead and shoot. You'll be doing me a favor."
5. PROFESSOR BAILEY or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Fucksaw
Kubrick’s dark comedy exploring the absurd circumstances leading up to that catastrophic event. Set in black and white, the film would star comedic icon Peter Sellers, who would play the roles of Professor Bailey, President Schapiro, Faith Kroll, appalled student #2, Sean Lavery, and the drilldo. Unfortunately, Kubrick decided at the last minute that Professor Bailey wasn’t nearly twisted enough, and proceeded to make the lighthearted romp A Clockwork Orange instead.
"Hell is other people."
Don't fuck with this suffragist
2. The Room II: Revenge of Johnny
Johnny’s ghost returns to San Francisco to torment all those who wronged him during his lifetime. Lisa is attacked with animated spoons, that one random drug dealer is brought to justice, and Mark learns football. The sequel died in pre-production due to concerns voiced by writer, director, producer, and main actor Tommy Wiseau that the plot was “too straightforward and logical.”
This flag means so much to so many people
Sherman Ave 