College Student Discovers Deodorant Not Substitute for Shower

EVANSTON, Il. — With temperatures finally rising and spring in Evanston approaching normalcy, sources report that McCormick Sophomore Eric Lehman has realized that putting on deodorant does not substitute for taking a shower.

The trend of not showering began when Lehman woke up at 11:50 AM for his 12:00 PM discussion section on Thursday. He reportedly spent the night dancing by himself at The Deuce on Wednesday, sweating profusely. Afraid of missing class, Lehman less-than-generously applied Speed Stick to his armpits and left his dorm. An intense ultimate frisbee practice in the hot sun followed his discussion section, which, Lehman noted while the odor under his shirt began to ferment like a bag of expired Franzia under a solar lamp, “takes away from time to shower.”

Lehman proceeded to

5 Reasons You Should Do DM

It’s pretty damn hard to walk around campus anymore without being attacked by an army of bright eyed students yelling at me telling me to do DM.

Oh, if only they knew.

Of course I’ll do DM.  DM is an important part of student life.  I might even dare to say it’s one of the best things that we do here at Northwestern.  But when I say DM, I’m not referring to the DM with dancing.  Real DM.  Drunk Marathon.  Ten glorious three hour blocks of being drunk, one right after the other, each themed with a different type of alcohol or aspect of drunkenness.  30 hours out of normal everyday life turned into a vivacious, glorious, shitshow.  So why should you do DM?  Well, even though it’s kind of dangerous,[i] there are still plenty of reasons to do it.  Here are a few of them.

Sherman Ave Interviews: Renee Engeln-Maddox (Part 2 of 2)

Earlier this summer, Sherman Ave editors Ross Packingham and Sir Edward Twattingworth III interviewed Psychology professor and Allison Hall live-in Renee Engeln-Maddox at Sherman Ave Headquarters.  If any cultural references seem slightly out of date, it’s because that’s what happens when we decide to wait to publish interviews for three months due to reasons.

Read Part 1 here.

The professor who will forever be remembered as “the one who couldn’t remember twerk or flabongo.”

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Packingham: When someone asks you what courses you teach, do you ever just go, “Intro to SIIIIIIKE!” and punch them in the genitals?

[silence]

Renee: If I’d thought of it…

Twattingworth: Follow-up, will you start doing that now?

Renee: Do I have to punch them? Cause that could hurt my back. What about like a kick? Or a knee? And I’d have to do the “SIIIIIIKE!” better than that. You need to get the “IIIIIIIII” a little higher.