An Open Letter to My Newsfeed

(via guardianlv.com)

Dearest Newsfeed,

We’ve been through a lot together. You’ve seen me at my darkest hours. Those hours when the juices of procrastination were oozing out my every pore and my soul was the emaciated shell of an empty Red Bull can. You’ve been by my side for many excellent decisions, such as when I drunkenly chatted my middle-school boyfriend “just to say hey.” We even took Stats 202 together.

You get me. You know that when I say “hide from newsfeed,” it means I’m sick of seeing that kid’s damn face or hearing about that girl’s stupid day. You’ve molded to my desires like a memory-foam mattress. You know what statuses I’m going to “like,” because I do, in fact, like them. When my best friend adds a new photo, you make damn sure I see it.

You share with me

An Open Letter to Disney: You’ve Given Us Back Topanga and Eve, Now Please Give Us Some Tanners

Dear Disney:  

There is no such thing as the perfect woman.

In recent days, we as college students facing down the stresses of life and such (JK I’m in the School of Comm) and yearning for a simpler time have been treated by you to a treasure trove of nostalgia-inducing revivals guaranteed to warm even the coldest pop-culture heart.  First, it was confirmed that Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel, better known as Corey and Topanga, the couple at the heart of Boy Meets World who make any other romantic pair just seem weak and unnecessary by comparison, agreed to return to play the parents (yeah that’s right, you’re all old now, bitches) in the Disney Channel spinoff series Girl Meets World.  Then, out of nowhere, Heinous Incarnate Tyra Banks agreed to return as Eve in a SEQUEL to her 2000 doll-come-to-life epic, Life-Size, a film which many would consider to be the greatest DCOM of all time (a solid case could be made for Get a Clue or My Date With the President’s Daughter , among others.  Like all of them).  Finally, everyone’s favorite former Disney star, Lindsay Lohan, reinvigorated her career with her star turn on Lifetime’s Liz And Dick!  Oops never mind on that last one it was a fiasco sorry Lindz better luck next time.