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Tag Archives: Fun-Sucking

Fun-Sucking Sophomore Finally Understands Significance of Jingling Keys at Football Games

20 Oct
Hey, this future consultant's Mercedes isn't going to park itself.

It doesn’t help that 95% of these keys are for Mercedes.

EVANSTON–After falling prey to the mob mentality of the barbaric unsportsmanlike conduct of her fellow Wildcats at a year’s worth of Football games, Psychology and Sociology double-major Kelsey Andrews was appalled to finally discover why Northwestern fans jingle their keys at opposing teams.Following Northwestern’s desperate fourth quarter drive that only prolonged the inevitable bone-chilling realization of a disappointing season touchdown in yesterday’s Minnesota game, Andrews was informed that the jingling of students’ keys is meant to imply that the other school’s students would one day be valeting the cars of Northwestern graduates.

“It’s just offensive. My mom went to Iowa State and she’s a pediatrician!”

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