To Northwestern’s Quarter System, The Crusher Of Spirit, The Bringer of Late Nights Crying to “You Are Beautiful” By Christina Aguilera. On Repeat.

Time to cry in the shower while listening to Adele again.

It’s the end of May, and with it comes the flowers in bloom, the inconsistent sunlight of the Chicago sky, and the sound of graduation caps being thrown into the air in happy rejoice. This is a good time. This is a happy, carefree time. This is a time of new beginnings and new hopes that OH WAIT A FUCKING SECOND I HAVE TWO 15-PAGE PAPERS DUE NEXT WEEK AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS THROW A FUCKING BONG OUT THE WINDOW.

I’m not over-reacting. Okay, I am.

Recent Crop of High School Graduates say ‘Ah Fuck It’

Eh

WASHINGTON, DC–A recent poll of high school graduates across 400 schools from 48 states shows a near unanimous decision to just say “Ahh fuck it” when asked about any kind of post-high school plans. When probed to see what that meant exactly, a majority of students responded, “I dunno, whatever.”

“I mean, it’s like, what am I even going to do? Work with computers?” exclaimed high school senior Stephanie Kaspersky. “Hashtag no thanks. I’d rather make jewelry.”