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Tag Archives: grandmother

Sixty Hues of Sex, part 1

28 Dec
Not for the faint of heart. Or stomach.

Not for the faint of heart. Or stomach.

So I was reading the NY Times the other day, as part of my daily pretention ritual, and I happened upon a section that listed the top 10 best selling books of 2012. What was the best-selling book, you ask? 50 Shades of Grey. In fact, all three books in this horrendous trilogy were on the list. What the fuck, America? What the soft-porn-disguised-as-fiction fuck?! Are we really at the point where some British chick writing Twilight fan-fiction can become a best-selling author by writing such gems as “my insides practically contort with potent, needy, liquid, desire.”*

However, as disgusted as I am by the state of American literary consumption, I am still an extremely greedy individual. So, I figured I would strike while the iron is hot. If this moron can write popular porn fiction, then I sure as shit can. So, without further or do, I present:
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A Thanksgiving Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

22 Nov

Well it’s that time of year again. The time where you get to spend time with those members of your extended family who you secretly despise, and slowly commit a food-induced suicide attempt as you eat three times your body weight in stuffing and cranberry sauce. However, just because you find yourself in that sweet, sweet afterglow that only animalistic sex comfort food can bring, does not mean that the other dangers of the world have gone away. I am talking, of course, about the ever-present possibility of a Zombie apocalypse.

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