Tag Archives: Greek Life

A Beginner’s Guide to Yik Yak

1 May

Hi, New User! Welcome to Yik Yak. We encourage you to read the following FAQs before dedicating hours of your day to our app. We also encourage heavy involvement: don’t be intimidated by successful top commenters like Yak Daniels, Miss Mary Yak, or Yak Yak City. With this guide, you’ll receive self-gratification within minutes of shitting on your school and peers.

Yik_Yak_ICON

Q: What’s fair game to make fun of? Continue reading

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Ermahgerd Recruitment: Your guide to translating and understanding Sorority Rush

9 Jan
Diversity!

Diversity!

Sorority recruitment is very chaotic. Sometimes it’s difficult to see clearly through the thick pink cloud of estrogen, and it can be hard to hear over the dull roar of WHAT’S YOUR WINTER BREAK WHAT DORM PWILD TELL ME ABOUT YOUR BOBB WHAT CLASSES HAVE NEW TRIER WHERE DO YOU ROOMMATE MY VALUES INCLUDE THE BAY AREA.

So that’s why I’ve got your back. Shit usually goes down something like this:

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Fraternity gives bid to freezer door through loophole in chill-to-pull grading system

9 Jan

EVANSTON, Ill.–In an embarrassing turn of events, a chapter within the Northwestern Greek life community—they have requested to remain anonymous—has admitted the door to a local freezer in an attempt to honor the age-old chill-to-pull system that has been a doctrine of fraternity culture since its invention in the early 20th century.

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Formals: What You Wear And What It Says About You

21 Nov

Formal season is in full swing and it can be stressful to decide what to wear.  The Ave has generously gone through all the outfit options men and women have to let you know what they will say about you.

(Via virtualdj.com, whatever the hell that is)

Women-Tight dress:  This one is risky.  Sometimes it feels good to wear a dress that hugs you, but you do run the risk of communicating that you’re too promiscuous.   Continue reading

Sherman Ave Interviews: Morty Schapiro

6 Jun

The Sherman Ave Editors (Evander Jones, Ross Packingham and Sir Edward Twattingworth III) sat down with Northwestern University President Morty Schapiro for an interview.  Why he agreed to let us do this, we may never know, but we sure are happy he did.

"I'm allergic to cats."

“I’m allergic to cats.”

Packingham: If you could make a drink called “The Morty,” what would it entail?

Morty: Oh man. Like an alcoholic drink?

Twattingworth: Wow, interesting that your mind went there.

Morty: Yeah… Well, you know when I drink, like last night–this is really exciting–but one-third orange juice, two-thirds Perrier.

Packingham: Perrier? Is that vodka? Or rum?

Morty: And they have to give me this much wine so I can hold it to pretend I’ll drink it, but I’m not a wine drinker. I like beer when I have Asian food. I like Thai beer, or Japanese beer or something.

Packingham: Like a Budweiser?

Morty: I don’t think I’ve ever had one of those. So I’m not big on like American Continue reading

Happiness Club to Distribute Earplugs on Sorority Bid Night

14 Jan
Our last level of security against the triumph of evil.

Our last level of security against the triumph of evil.

EVANSTON – The Happiness Club at Northwestern University will be handing out earplugs at multiple locations on campus between the hours of 5pm and 6:30pm on Tuesday, according to a press conference this morning.

“First and foremost, our goal as a campus group is to make students happy,” explained Happiness Club President and SESP Junior Henry McMullen.  “And you know something?  It’s pretty damn hard to be happy when your hearing has been irreparably damaged by the strident screams of newfound sorostitutes.”

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How to Pretend to Be Super Excited All of The Time: Your Guide to Sorority Recruitment

11 Jan
The greatest number of sorority girls you can find in one doorway without crossing the River Styx.

The greatest number of sorority girls you can find in one doorway without crossing the River Styx.

Screaming. Crying. Vaginal tearing. We’re not talking about the miracle of birth here, we’re talking about everyone’s favorite five-day shitshow: sorority recruitment. Sorority recruitment is one of the times at Northwestern in which stress is at a yearly high. Hundreds of scantily clad freshman girls are marching through the quads, countless sorority sisters are giving compliments to strangers that are nicer than anything they’ve ever said to their families, and thousands of other Northwestern students are looking on in horror and amusement. The whole ordeal is a lot to handle. To help everyone through this hard time, Sherman Ave is here with a few tips to help get you through sorority recruitment, whether you’re going through recruitment or just merely watching it from a distance. Continue reading

Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Making Friends

4 Sep

I see 2,000 future friends

One of the best aspects of the college experience is how many fascinating people you meet and subsequently engage in raucous shenanigans with. A good collection of bffles can be an essential asset in all of the tasks that you will face during your freshman year, from drunkenly yelling at buoys in Lake Michigan to figuring out how to torrent The Lion King 1 1/2 without getting caught.

At first, making friends with complete strangers in a strange, strange land replete with fraternities, an all-night Burger King, and theater students can seem like a frightening challenge. But that’s no cause for alarm. Everybody is in the same boat as you, and upon completion of your freshman year you will be astounded by how many cool friends you have made and how many mysterious names still remain in your phone’s contacts — the forgotten identities of all your over-eager peers who decided to try and befriend you due to your proximity to one another at March through the Arch. Just remember that friendships grow organically and cannot be forced, unless, of course, you follow our sage wisdom on how to meet new friends.

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Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: How to Party Like a Wildcat

22 Aug

NOTE: According to the Illinois Liquor Control Act of 1934, no person under the age of 21 years old may purchase, drink or possess any alcoholic beverage. Therefore, I would like to ask anyone under 21 years of age to stop reading this post and go back to watching Dora the Explorer or whatever the fuck you children do. I would also like to point out that while this post is intended for incoming freshman, I am assuming that the vast majority of freshman took three consecutive gap-years (The Gapfecta) and are currently 21.

Now then. Care to Party Rock?

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