The Top Ten Reasons You And Your Girlfriend Are Going To Break Up

Bro it’s not looking good bro

1. She’s no longer impressed by your ability to eat an entire Little Caesar’s Hot-N-Ready.

2. She doesn’t twerk for you anymore.

3. She still twerks, though.

4. She broke her phone and did not include you on her “Broke My Phone and Need New Numberz” group message.

In Post-Soviet Russia, Toilet Uses You: Сехтой в России, Part 1

Squatty potties decided the Cold War.

Khrushchev didn’t come to an agreement with Kennedy because he wanted to avoid a nuclear apocalypse; he phoned in the Cuban Missile Crisis in because he really didn’t want to negotiate with JFK while using one of the Politburo’s standing-room-only toilets. Gorbachev didn’t tear down the wall and end the Communist era because Reagan said so; he simply was tired of taking a shit standing up.

NYET.