Review of Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 9, AKA the worst thing that ever happened to me

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS IN THIS ARTICLE.  

That being said, there will also be spoilers in the episode.  Not only spoilers of plotlines, but also spoilers of any remnant of joy you might have been able to salvage since Game of Thrones last took it from you by giving you an unobstructed view of Hodor’s dick.

Before we get into the disturbing horrors of My Big Fat Red Wedding, in which Windex would solve none of the problems at hand (unless you’re the poor bastard charged with cleaning all of the INNOCENT BLOOD FROM THE FLOOR), let’s talk about the other important characters in this episode.

If CAESAR Were Used At Hogwarts…

MONDAY

Harry:  Looks like everything is lined up except for my discussion sections!  I’m really lucky, I got into all the classes I wanted.  And it doesn’t matter who I have for my discussions, so it’s totally whatever.

Ron:  All the classes look pretty good to me, I guess I’m just going to have to single out which ones require the fewest textbooks.  Divination maybe?

Hermione:  I want to take the most interesting and challenging classes possible.  Probably Organic Potions, and maybe Defense Against the Dark Arts: An Econometric Approach.

“It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to use this absolute shithole of a program.”

Neville:  I’m going to go for easy classes this quarter, because I’m incredibly incompetent.  Is there a wizarding equivalent to SESP?

Seamus:  Being proud of my Irish heritage, I’d like to learn more about the history of my people.  I mean, my last name is Finnegan, for fuck’s sake.

Draco:  I think I’ll go for classes that will benefit me the most in my career.  Serious classes.

Cho:  My parents want me to go pre-med.  I tried explaining to them that I’m a wizard.  I’ll really take anything at this point.