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Tag Archives: high

Very High Person Just Loses Brilliant Idea

4 Jan

Snoop…is a Cardinals fan?

DENVER– Local savant Brian Douglas was on the cusp of some truly Earth-shattering knowledge, before he just lost his train of thought for a second. Douglas, 23, totally had an idea for a second there, maybe about technology, religion, or just life, man, leaving scientists, philanthropists, and just about everyone waiting desperately. Continue reading

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A Comprehensive Timeline of DM Emotions

10 Mar
Oh my god yes! ANOTHER HARLEM SHAKE DANCE!!!

Oh my god yes! ANOTHER HARLEM SHAKE DANCE!!!

A couple things that I had working against me going into DM: I slept like 4 hours a night the week before, and I had 5 cups of coffee the day of (yes I KNOW that you weren’t supposed to do that). I’m also so caffeine dependent that I might as well just take it intravenously at this point. So, like, dsklgjsiojklcxmv nerjeoijwsak. I am one tired motherfucker.

Block 1: I look around the tent. 30 hours in this bad boy. The feeling of “what the fuck have I gotten myself into god I really hate myself sometimes” comes on with the ferocity of an orgo midterm. The music starts. I bob my head with tepid enthusiasm. I should probably conserve energy. After all, it’s 30 fucking hours. I dance awkwardly. I realize that I’m not used to dancing in situations other than The Keg. I hate myself. It’s been 30 minutes. I have completely exhausted all of my dance moves. Ooh snack time! “All dancers with nut allergies please exit the tent.” Awkward, that’s me. They start playing music that people can get into (MY LIFE. WOULD SUCK. WITHOUUUUUT YOUUUUU) and this DM thing is kind of fun.

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Sherman Ave’s Guide to a (Mostly) Sober Thanksgiving

21 Nov

It’s that time of year again.  The weather’s getting colder (kinda), the trees seem to have no problem with being naked, and my mother is encouraging me to get another flu shot “just to be safe.”  That’s right, it’s almost Thanksgiving! And as we approach the holiday in which the white Pilgrim settlers and the American Indians were able to celebrate the harvest in perfect harmony right before one group violently and unjustifiably slaughtered the other, I think it’s important that we consider a few ways in which we can make the upcoming holiday even better.

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