Tag Archives: highwaymen

A Freshman Guide to Not Getting Mugged

28 May

Graphical representation of what the perpetrators probably look like.

So no one told you college was gonna be this way.[1] Your job is, indeed, a joke (who actually studies?! DRINK THE LIQUORZ FER DAYZZZ #YOLO). Your love life, unless you’re a swarthy AEPi brother, is definitely dead on arrival. Northwestern is most certainly not broke (Our endowment is bigger than that time Twattingworth met the Beatles and Jesus and then YOLO’d all over them),[2] but you, hypothetical-and-almost-certainly-not-reading-this reader, are about to be BROKE ASS POOR, because Northwestern is rife with bands of roving armed militiasprobably unarmed youths who will demand your wallet, your Andy’s Custard giftcard, your iPhone, or YOUR LIFE.

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