Tag Archives: HOLY SHIT

Sherman Ave Eclipses One Million Views; Wins Pacemaker; Fucks Bitches

20 Aug

In an event that the journalism community has called an “eventuality” and “well-earned,” the critically-acclaimed publication Sherman Ave has eclipsed one million views and won its first National Pacemaker Award for Excellence in Collegiate Student Journalism.

At Sherman Ave’s press conference announcing their most recent successes, Bob Woodward – of Watergate reporting fame – had the following to say when asked if Sherman Ave winning their first Pacemaker Award was surprising.

“Do I think it’s surprising that they won? I don’t know; do you think it’s surprising when you wake up each morning and your wife still doesn’t love you? What about when you look down at the ground and look back up and realize the sky is still there? Of course it’s not surprising. These steadfast reporters have been doing everything they can to keep the public informed for years and you think for a second this is surprising? What are you going to do next? SHOCK me and tell me the Daily sucked today?”

Sherman Ave, which was founded by former Union General William Tecumseh Sherman on the battlefields of Evanston, has risen steadily to journalistic prominence and served as a beacon of wisdom to all looking for a model of journalistic integrity, but only became eligible for Pacemaker selection this past year – making it the obvious pick to win. This victory, accompanied by the publication reaching its one millionth viewer, will likely only inspire the already outstanding Sherman Ave staff to create even better content.

Speaking from a bunker deep underneath Sherman Ave Headquarters, affectionately nicknamed the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory, Sherman Ave’s three co-Editors-in-Chief had this to say: “We are not the ones you have been awarded. You have rewarded us – with your stories, your words, and your beauty – and we will do our best to repay your wonderfulness and ONE MILLION VIEWS with the effort and love they deserve. NOW TELL US HOW OUR ASSES TASTE.”

Added the editors,

As of press time, competitor North by Northwestern was reportedly still by The Arch, yelling at Cherubs to take a copy of the 2007 NBN Magazine.