How Terry Shipman Took Over the Internet

(via ibtimes.co.uk)

Terry Shipman was just your average guy. There wasn’t much to know. He lives or is from Beaumont, Texas. That’s actually all that I know about him. There’s a lot of mystery surrounding this tweeting titan. But then one fateful evening, he decided to take a blowtorch to all that we knew and cherished about the Internet. This is Terry’s world, and we’re all lucky enough to live in it.

Let’s start from the beginning:

This is Terry’s first tweet ever. He seems a bit lost, but weren’t we all before Terry Shipman became who he is today? He’s desperately reaching out to his so-called son J. Michael Shipman. And he probably

Sherman Ave Interviews: Justin Barbin

If you’ve been to a Northwestern sorority’s formal (ANY sorority), or if you’ve just creepily stalked pictures from any given formal, then you definitely know the name Justin Barbin.  A photographer/entrepreneur/all-around awesome dude, Barbin graduated from Northwestern in 2011, and, after moving back to his hometown of Houston, began to dabble in his longtime hobby of photography.  Flash forward to 3 years later, and Barbin is one of the best-known names at Northwestern – not only for his skills as a photographer, but for his personality, his style, and having a name that is eerily similar to that of Justin Bieber.  Barbin was nice enough to take time out of his very busy schedule to sit down with Sherman Ave travesties Ross Packingham, Prince Giblets, and Felicity Jenkins, and allowed them to ask him a few questions about himself, his passion, and a lot of stupid shit.  Mostly just stupid shit. 

Ross Packingham: So we’ll start with a few questions about your background–

Justin Barbin: Like ethnicity, or…?

Packingham: That isn’t what we had in mind.

Felicity Jenkins: But feel free to answer that as well.

Packingham: So from my understanding, you just popped out of your mother’s womb with a Nikon DSLR in hand.

Barbin: Canon.

Packingham: That’s embarrassing, I didn’t do my research. And there are so many pictures online with the camera. Anyway, is that why she hated you?

A Romantic Retrospective: Fall Quarter

No no no. I want to hear about all frats you butt chugged at.

So, you’re a month and some change into your long distance relationship.  Congratulations on “making it work” while so many other people are miserable and alone.  You’ve come close to crying only a couple times when you were really drunk.   Everyone remembers your strength in those moments.  Good on you.

So far, you’ve done a great job not letting the relationship stop you from meeting new people.  Juggling this takes skill, and you’re crushing it.  People recall your composure with that drunken phone call you got when your old prom date discovered how awesome flip cup is.  Wasn’t that the time you casually mumbled, “I miss you, too,” in front of everyone you’ve considered hooking up with on your dorm floor?  Up to this point, they concluded you friend-zoned the world.  You’re back in play hot shot!

Sure, it’s tough.  Chin up.  You’re in the Midwest.  Your paramour is in, well, probably the Midwest.

Now, let’s not downplay the good times.  You literally can not remove the memory of that time you guys decided to try Skype sex while your roommate went to SPAC, and the video got scrambled because everyone in the dorm started playing Xbox online.  Hysterical.

Get excited for Thanksgiving break.  One: the sex.  Two: the grueling conversation about putting the relationship down.  Three: the post-turkey day sex.  Four: starting things back up with your mate.  God, you two should never ever be apart again.  Excellent save.

These are life lessons that you’ll be sure to remember.  You won’t at all put yourself in this situation senior year of college.  You’re going to turn down that job offer in Houston, and you’re moving to Brooklyn to stay together with that dorm mate you’ve been hooking up with on and off since freshman year.  How about that? You’re a New Yorker now!

-Cobra Lederham