Tag Archives: ipad

Sherman Ave’s Tour Guide App

18 Apr

Northwestern Tour Guide Applications are due tomorrow. Here’s a copy of one Sherman Ave writer’s last-second application.

7 digit student ID number : 696969!

Attach a picture of yourself to this application

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1. Why do you want to be a part of the Tour Guide Community?

From an early age, I have had an insatiable desire to walk backwards while talking to high-achieving high school students and their overbearing parents.

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How to Not Give a Fuck About Valentine’s Day and Still Get Laid: A Beginner’s Guide to Accidental Pussy

15 Feb

Aw, you and Marcus didn’t work out?

It’s that time of the year again. No, not Black History Month, though props to my dogs. It’s that time of year when it seems like everyone you know is either:

a) in a relationship with a human
b) in a relationship with a cat
c) in a relationship with their hand

But with Valentine’s Day finally behind us, everyone seemed to be able to put aside their differences and focus on one thing and one thing only: SEX. Fornication, coitus, nooky, whoopee, boinking, taking a roll in the hay. Whatever you call it, it’s probably disgusting. I’m gonna go ahead and assume that you, like most of Northwestern’s population, fell into the third category. Fear not, peasant! As always, I am here to help in times of crisis. Stick to my rules and in no time your dick will be sure to be worming it’s way inside many a skank.

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