Should You Hook Up With Him? A Flowchart Journey

So you’re out at a party or a bar or hovering by the bar at a party, and suddenly a Calvin Harris song comes on and you feel some guy’s pelvis approach your ass and realize that you are being “danced” upon. Then comes there part where you must make a decision.

-Should I casually take a few steps forward like I didn’t notice the sudden proximity of his dick to my ass crack?

-Should I let him make out with me and get a free drink out of it? Maybe I’ll feel less guilty if I give him an OTPHJ. I can just say I was black out and don’t remember that.

-Should I take him home with me? I haven’t cleaned my room in a while, but maybe he’s too drunk to notice. My roommates might judge me though. Maybe we should go back to his place. Oh wait doesn’t he live with

James Franco Visits Northwestern, Possibly Forever

EVANSTON, IL—A&O Productions and Northwestern University announced yesterday that James Franco will visit campus Saturday as winter speaker, followed this year by an appearance as spring speaker, Dillo Day headliner, Blowout performer, and poetry professor.

Franco, an actor famed for his role in “Freaks and Geeks,” squinting, and his diverse creative talents, was A&O’s first choice for all of the positions.

“As soon as we saw how well students reacted to his poetry reading we knew Northwestern University needed more of James Franco,” said A&O spokeswoman Jeremiah Spunkleford, referencing the actor’s recent appearance at the Chicago Humanities Festival at Northwestern’s law school. “We’re grateful James Franco has been so cooperative with our move toward integrating him fully into the Northwestern experience.”

“We’re thrilled to announce there’s going to be more James Franco at Northwestern University,” continued Spunkleford. “A lot more.”

Franco’s upcoming appearances are scheduled for April as spring speaker, May 31 as the headlining musical act of the recently renamed Franco Day and again in October as the Fall Blowout headliner.

A&O productions, a group comprised of Northwestern students, is charged with procuring performers for its annual Northwestern campus events, including speakers, comedians and musical acts. A representative of A&O productions reported that the group was

11 Shocking Celebrity Deaths of 2014 (WITH PICTURES!!!)

James Franco

The result of a horrible misunderstanding, James Franco lost his life on March 1st during his most recent experimental art piece: The Death of James Franco. Though Franco anticipated that his public autoerotic asphyxiation wouldn’t result in actual death, stating that “art cannot die,” the enigmatic actor lost consciousness and subsequently his life in the “performance.”

James Franco’s Last Art Piece. No, really.

Leona Lewis

Answering the age-old riddle, “If a pop star who doesn’t twerk dies of something that isn’t a drug overdose, does it make a sound?” Leona Lewis was discovered in her apartment seven weeks after her death on October 7, 2014 (cause unknown). Sources reported, “Oh. Leona Lewis. She was a singer right? Is she the one from that ‘Put Your Records On’ song?”

The Movies of 2013 as Told Through Snapchats

2013 was an amazing year for the movies. Jennifer Lawrence was hotter than ever, and America actually went to see movies about race that weren’t The Help. But instead of recapping this year in some dowdy list form, we thought we’d write a retrospective in the only medium you people seem to know how to communicate with these days: Snapchats.

Hey Everybody Look at This Funny Video I Found That No One Else Has Talked About Yet

Hi everyone.  Prince Giblets here.  Hope you’re all wrapping up with school stuff and are nice and ready for Thanksgiving.

I’ll make this quick.  I just wanted to tell all of you about this really funny video I just found.  It’s with the fat guy from Freaks and Geeks and then the – well, actually, let me back up. 

46 Buzzfeed Articles That Will Probably Be Written

Four puppies that think you should reread “The Awakening.”

• 16 Semen Stains That Look Just Like Ryan Gosling
• 30 Adorable Kittens That Will Give You An Erection If You’re Into Bestiality
• 8 Pictures of Gay Marriages That Will Make You Uncomfortable But You Won’t Say Anything
• 13 Of The Most Original Colonies