#YOPO
Yesterday marked a historic day for the Catholic Church, as Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina—now known as Pope Francis I—was selected to be the 266th leader of the Catholic Church. In a stroke of good luck, Sherman Ave correspondent Prince Giblets was fortunate enough to chat with the recently elected Pontifex Maximus only moments after he spoke for the first time at the Vatican. What did His Holiness have to say? You’ll have to keep reading to find out:
What students do in between live sex demonstrations or producing Chet Haze’s next record
College: The Pinnacle of Higher Education. Years of hard-work, civic involvement, and awkward loneliness have brought you here. This is the culmination of everything you thought you were working for when you were President of your high school’s National Honor Society, German Club, Breakdancing Club, Future Leaders of America Club, and the “Fuck I Just Want to Get Into a Really Good School Can’t You Fucking Stupid Admission Officers See That Club” (I dedicated most of my time to the F.I.J.W.G.I.R.S.C.Y.F.S.A.O.S.T.C.). And you’ve made it kid – you’re here. However, now that you’ve reached this shining beacon of knowledge, there’s one thing you don’t want to do: work. After a lifetime of pretending to care about learning, you’re just plain out of shits to give. But since you’re here, you may as well do something. Here’s what you probably spend most your time doing at college.
