(via Elite Linens)
After a recent trip to the bathroom where you neglected to check behind the shower curtains because for once you decided not to let paranoia control you, the crazed murderer who has spent hours hiding out in your shower stall breathed a sigh of relief.
“For a moment, I thought you were going to whip open the curtains to check for me,” crazed murderer Joseph Walter Harris said as he cradled Continue reading
Pictured: The freshman on move-in day, in happier times.
Evanston, Il.- Upon listening to his roommate loudly Skype with his best friend at Cornell for two hours while he was trying to study, Weinberg Freshman Mark Ellis discovered that he actually never liked his roommate.
“He is just a real piece of trash,” Ellis said after coming to terms with his realization. Ellis’s discovery comes after nearly seven months of attempting to be his roommate’s, Medill Freshman Brandon Ruiz’s, best friend.
“All he does is eat Wings Over while playing Continue reading
Look at me I’m so disdained. Fuq u, school. When will Summer cum. I mean come. [via dvdactive.com]
Either I’m really bad at taking notes or these exams are vastly more complicated than what we’re taught in lecture.
Lecture: 1+2 =3
Exam: Solve for cancer
Lecture: Humans have created wondrous art throughout the ages
Exam: How does this ceramic vagina make you feel?
Lecture: Mark Witte talks about guns and butter
Exam: Continue reading
If you haven’t seen Game of Thrones or read A Song of Ice and Fire books THEN YOU FUCKING SHOULD BECAUSE GEORGE R. R. MARTIN WENT TO NORTHWESTERN FOR 5 YEARS, HE WAS A MEDILLDO AND HE TRAVERSED THE HALLS OF TECH AND HE WALKED TO CLASS IN SHITTY WEATHER AND HE WAS SO INSPIRED THAT HE WROTE A FUCKING BOOK ABOUT COLD AND DOOM AND MISERY.
There’s also a lot of sex in Game of Thrones.
But we all know none of that came from Northwestern.
In Game of Thrones, there’s a character named Hodor who never says anything except “Hodor.” He’s also the most devilishly handsome character on the TV show, and a regular fan-favorite. Part of Hodor’s charm is that he uses the phrase “Hodor” in place of any actual words. To demonstrate, Sherman Ave has translated some of the best movie quotes of all time into Hodor-ese.
So hodor to your hodor! Hodor hodor and remember, hodor.
–Pip Sleazy, Scurvy Jacobson and Lady Keystone
In an event that the journalism community has called an “eventuality” and “well-earned,” the critically-acclaimed publication Sherman Ave has eclipsed one million views and won its first National Pacemaker Award for Excellence in Collegiate Student Journalism.
At Sherman Ave’s press conference announcing their most recent successes, Bob Woodward – of Watergate reporting fame – had the following to say when asked if Sherman Ave winning their first Pacemaker Award was surprising.
“Do I think it’s surprising that they won? I don’t know; do you think it’s surprising when you wake up each morning and your wife still doesn’t love you? What about when you look down at the ground and look back up and realize the sky is still there? Of course it’s not surprising. These steadfast reporters have been doing everything they can to keep the public informed for years and you think for a second this is surprising? What are you going to do next? SHOCK me and tell me the Daily sucked today?”
Sherman Ave, which was founded by former Union General William Tecumseh Sherman on the battlefields of Evanston, has risen steadily to journalistic prominence and served as a beacon of wisdom to all looking for a model of journalistic integrity, but only became eligible for Pacemaker selection this past year – making it the obvious pick to win. This victory, accompanied by the publication reaching its one millionth viewer, will likely only inspire the already outstanding Sherman Ave staff to create even better content.
Speaking from a bunker deep underneath Sherman Ave Headquarters, affectionately nicknamed the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory, Sherman Ave’s three co-Editors-in-Chief had this to say: “We are not the ones you have been awarded. You have rewarded us – with your stories, your words, and your beauty – and we will do our best to repay your wonderfulness and ONE MILLION VIEWS with the effort and love they deserve. NOW TELL US HOW OUR ASSES TASTE.”
Added the editors,
As of press time, competitor North by Northwestern was reportedly still by The Arch, yelling at Cherubs to take a copy of the 2007 NBN Magazine.