- You are a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man to validate her self-worth.
- Your best friends will never think anyone is good enough for you (and they’re probably right).
- This is a thing. Continue reading
8 Adorable Kittens that are Members of the Westboro Baptist Church
14 SepSo we all know kittens are super, duper cute. Nothing can change that – not even if the kittens in question are hyper-bigoted homophobes. Here are some kittens that will definitely make you say “it’s the 21st century – it’s time to accept America as the great diverse nation it is!”
The 4 Greatest Sports (That Don’t Exist but Totally Should)
9 MarKittens are basically the natural world’s equivalent of iPads. Everyone wants one except some people who don’t, but no one really cares what those people think anyway. If my pillow became an animal, it would be a kitten and I’d be totally fine with it sleeping on me instead of the other way around. Anyway, imagine how awesome it would be if you could play chess using kittens as your pieces. Knight takes pawn? NO! Tabby takes tortoiseshell! It would be so freaking cute I don’t have words. Also, when a piece got taken you could just pet it and love it and hug it and OOOH ITS SO CUTE! WHO WANTS A FISH!? YOU DO! YES YOU DO!
2. Pogo Stick Basketball
Quick, what’s a sport that involves lots of coordination and a childhood toy that really isn’t that great? If you answered soccer and hula hoops then you’d be right, but I hate you, so I’m picking basketball and pogo sticks. To understand why this would be so amazing, go to Youtube and check out the geniuses who think they can manage “mad stuntz” on pogo sticks, and then imagine your least favorite professional NBA players eating it on the court like there’s no tomorrow. Kobe got you down? Faceplant. LeBron too cocky? Bounce face first into the rim. The comic possibilities are literally endless.
Ping-Pong is a pretty cool sport, but it can get repetitive after a while. So, how to liven things up? Well if Frankenstein has taught us anything, it’s that everything is better with electricity. So, how about we put those bad-body ping-pong players underwater in scuba suits, but add the awesome element of electric eels swimming around with them. Not only does it add additional strategy (hit an eel while its near your opponent and watch the fun!), but it also turns a sport that’s heavily skill based into something that has the ever-so-beautiful element of chance. Come on, it’ll be electrifying. Don’t pretend you didn’t see that joke coming.
4. Frisbear
No, that wasn’t supposed to be Ultimate Frisbee (the king of all sports). I’m talking Frisbear. In this game-for-the-whole-family-even-the-kids-who-can’t-talk-yet, you put on a giant robot suit and toss grizzly bears in a rousing game of Frisbee. Sure there’s danger involved, but you’re in a robot suit! What could go wrong? And BEARS! Bears make everything both deadlier and more awesome (especially Bear Pong!). Just think about the commercial possibilities on this one. Sure, it’ll piss off animal rights advocates, but it has robots, so who cares? THIS IS AMERICA.
Review: The Welcome’s Debut EP “The Welcome”
28 FebFronted by singer, songwriter, and guitarist Gehring Miller, along with the musical stylings of Eric Baetz (guitar), Evan Stoner (bass/vocals), and Casey Harding (drums), The Welcome’s EP features all four members concisely working together to bring life to Miller’s distinct style of songwriting. Miller, a poet, jazz musician, and audio engineer, also happens to hail from the same Oak Park musical scene that spawned such critically acclaimed bands as The Reverend Funk Connection, Lissin’, Bull Run, Wailin’, Blue Line, and The Idiosyncracies. Miller has been on a musical rampage since graduating from Columbia College, devoting himself to releasing a new EP each month, and his effort with the newly minted band The Welcome displays some of his finest work.
The Welcome’s EP opens with “Robin Robinson,” arguably the strongest track of the three, not to mention one of the more impressive displays of alliteration in song titles. Beginning with a steady bass that’s joined in simple harmony by understated guitar, every piece of the song fits in place, as Miller’s vocals lay on top of a grove established by Harding’s tight drumming. Transitioning with ease between verses and choruses featuring unified staccato build-ups that break into distortion, The Welcome are able to develop the alienated nature of Robin Robinson into a character suffering from an affliction reminiscent of Johnny Cash’s “Boy Named Sue.” What is most impressive about the EP’s opening song is the execution of the post-bridge crescendo, which features a repetitive chorus of increasing dynamic and melodic intensity that culminates in a final defiant chorus.
Next comes “My Body Will Remember You,” which is just as overt as the title suggests. With Miller singing over descending bass and guitar lines, the track showcases The Welcome’s ability to create multiple layers of sonic texture through contrasting guitar timbres. Harding keeps a relaxed groove, maintaining the song’s languid and nonchalant feel. The reserved nature of the song, which never fully climaxes (odd, perhaps, considering the subject matter), occasionally pushes its tranquil nature too far and risks losing the listener’s attention, but fortunately varies things up enough at the end to keep everything fresh. If The Welcome were making a full length album, this track might feel like a drag, but luckily in a brief EP like this one, its aesthetic artistry serves to further encapsulate most of the overwhelmingly positive traits of the band.
The Welcome conclude their debut EP with “How Knows the Night,” an excellent end to a fantastic display of their talents. With a solid riff as a strong base, the band builds up to a chorus that pits Miller’s voice against distorted guitars, eventually coalescing into a brilliant solo that fits perfectly within the feel of the song. The guitars of Miller and Baetz work together well throughout the EP, but the interplay between the two is especially potent on the final track.
In a mere three songs, The Welcome establish themselves as a legitimate force in Chicago’s Indie Rock scene with an EP that displays their unique talents and identity. The best way to grow as a band is to produce quality music and then tour the hell out of those songs. The Welcome has done exactly that so far, and hopefully will continue to do so. I look forward to a full-length effort from the band in the near future that showcases The Welcome’s considerable musicianship, lyricism, and wit.
OVERALL RATING: Like eating donuts. From The Depot.
Download the album HERE, for FREE!