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Tag Archives: Leonardo DiCaprio

Famous Movie Quotes Spoken by Hodor from Game of Thrones

13 Apr

If you haven’t seen Game of Thrones or read A Song of Ice and Fire books THEN YOU FUCKING SHOULD BECAUSE GEORGE R. R. MARTIN WENT TO NORTHWESTERN FOR 5 YEARS, HE WAS A MEDILLDO AND HE TRAVERSED THE HALLS OF TECH AND HE WALKED TO CLASS IN SHITTY WEATHER AND HE WAS SO INSPIRED THAT HE WROTE A FUCKING BOOK ABOUT COLD AND DOOM AND MISERY.

There’s also a lot of sex in Game of Thrones.

But we all know none of that came from Northwestern.

In Game of Thrones, there’s a character named Hodor who never says anything except “Hodor.” He’s also the most devilishly handsome character on the TV show, and a regular fan-favorite. Part of Hodor’s charm is that he uses the phrase “Hodor” in place of any actual words. To demonstrate, Sherman Ave has translated some of the best movie quotes of all time into Hodor-ese.

So hodor to your hodor! Hodor hodor and remember, hodor

 

ShermanAveHodorTheGraduate

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The 2014 Oscars: Who Will Win and Who Should Win

2 Mar

Oscar Scary LookingBest Picture:

  • Who Will Win: 12 Years A Slave

  • Why: Guiiiiilt trip.

  • Who Should Win: Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

  • Why: This breathtaking adventure flick digs deep into issues surrounding age, vitality, and societal expectations of the elderly. With gritty performances from its ensemble cast, Bad Grandpa was basically “Nebraska,” “The Wolf Of Wall Street” and “American Hustle” all rolled into one whirlwind ride that critics described as “a movie,” “the next installment in the popular Jackass series,” and “R-rated.”

Best Director:

  • Who Will Win: Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity

  • Why: Consider this a make up prize for when his work on Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was snubbed.

  • Who Should Win: Continue reading

12 Realistic Oscar Predictions for This Year

1 Mar

It’s Oscar season, and every person who’s ever seen a movie thinks they know what’s up when it comes to predicting the winners. Alas, sometimes what seems like the obvious choice doesn’t end up with the coveted golden statue that every immodest asshole has to complain is “so heavy”.

But don’t fret if your Oscar Prediction Ballot is full of disappointment. There are some things that we can all accurately predict about the Oscars. I’ve decided to share with you a few things you can realistically bet on during this year’s Academy Awards Show to diffuse some anxiety.

1. Ellen will dance. Probably a lot.  Because that’s what she does. She makes jokes and dances and invites talented children from YouTube to appear on her show.

2. Jennifer Lawrence will do something adorable and everyone on every social media platform will talk about how much they love her and maybe even talk to each other in real life about it because she is that adorable.

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2014 Oscar Nominee Predictions

15 Jan

Best Picture:

Oscar

(via oscars.org)

The Wolf of Wall Street

Could Be Nominated Because: It’s fuckin’ Scorsese.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Movies involving quaaludes historically do not get nominated for Best Picture (Sorry, Almost Famous, for bringing back bad memories).

Her

Could Be Nominated Because: It’s the first movie that has made technology sexy since Bicentennial Man.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Those high-waisted pants.

The Croods

Could Be Nominated Because: It’s the Citizen Kane of caveman based animated films.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: It’s the only near lock on this list.

42

Could Be Nominated Because: The Academy owes it to the number community.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: The nominations are announced too close to MLK Day, so it won’t be nominated to avoid confusion between the two African American heroes.

Pain & Gain

Could Be Nominated Because: Michael Bay has threatened to give swirlies to every member of The Academy.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was suspended for the entire 2014 MLB season.

R.I.P.D

Could Be Nominated Because: That sweet Macklemore song in the trailer.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Jeff Bridges has exhausted every bit of good will The Academy has given him.

Last Vegas

Could Be Nominated Because: Each of the lead actors gives the best performance of their careers.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Old men are gross.

47 Ronin

Could Be Nominated Because: The trailer looked kind of cool.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: It’s a terrible movie.

Grudge Match

Could Be Nominated Because: Answers the age old questions of “What if they made Rocky Balboa but hilarious?”

Won’t Be Nominated Because: It was written by the guy who created Entourage.

Best Director:

Steve McQueen – 12 Years a Slave

Could Be Nominated Because: The Academy think the famous tough guy actor has resurrected from the dead and directed a film.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: The Academy found out that it was just some dude and not the famous tough guy actor who has resurrected from the dead.

Michael Bay – Pain & Gain

Could Be Nominated Because: See above

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Bullying is a huge issue in America.

Tyler Perry – Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor

Could Be Nominated Because: He’s due.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Years of shoving Madea down our throats.

Kirk DeMicco & Chris Sanders – The Croods

Could Be Nominated Because: It’s the best movie of the year.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: No chance in hell.

Roman Coppola – A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III

Could Be Nominated Because: Every decade a new Coppola has to be nominated for Best Director.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Sofia Coppola threw a shit fit when Roman was nominated for Best Original Screenplay, and The Academy does not want that again.

Best Actor:

Leonardo DiCaprio in The Wolf of Wall Street as Jordan Belfort

Could Be Nominated Because: We finally got to see what we wanted all these years: A candle up Leo’s ass.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Not enough cocaine abuse.

Nicolas Cage in The Croods as Grug Crood

Could Be Nominated Because: It was a vocal tour de force.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMp8aDH8d9M

Chadwick Boseman in 42 as Jackie Robinson

Could Be Nominated Because: To anger and confuse 12 Years a Slave fans.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: All of the voters were big fans of the New York Giants.

Arjun Kapoor in Aurangzeb as Ajay / Vishal

Could Be Nominated Because: I guess he was good.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Full disclosure: We copied and pasted the wrong guy and movie.

Ashton Kutcher in Jobs as Steve Jobs

Could Be Nominated Because: The telecast needs to bring in the 17 year old girl with bad taste in men demographic.

Won’t Be Nominated Because:  We’re not 100% sure that Jobs actually was a real movie.

Best Actress:

Ashley Tisdale in Scary Movie 5 as Jody Sanders

Could Be Nominated Because: We finally get to see a good role for a woman.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: There’s no any performance in this film could live up to Anna Faris’ in Scary Movie 4.

Amy Adams in American Hustle as Sydney Prosser

Could Be Nominated Because: All that side boob.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Hey! Pick an accent!

Sandra Bullock in Gravity as Dr. Ryan Stone

Could Be Nominated Because: The Academy likes seeing a woman in peril.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Ryan Stone is a boys name.

Sarah Wright in 21 & Over as Nicole

Could Be Nominated Because: She holds her own next to the legend, Miles Teller.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: No one knew this movie has a woman in it.

Emma Stone in The Croods as Eep Crood

Could Be Nominated Because: The Croods can not be stopped.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=617MBLj9MSE

Best Supporting Actor:

RZA in G.I Joe: Retaliation as Blind Master

Could Be Nominated Because: The Academy snubbed him for his lived-in performance in Funny People.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: The Kodak Theatre does not has enough seats for the entire Wu-Tang Clan.

Barkhad Abdi in Captain Phillips as Abduwali Muse

Could Be Nominated Because: He’s a first time nominee who delivered a smashing performance.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Some of the older voters think that he was a real Somali pirate.

Rob Schneider in InAPPropriate Comedy as Psychologist

Could Be Nominated Because: Hollywood needs to keep this comedy legend relevant.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Vince “The ShamWow Guy” directed this movie.

Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club as Rayon

Could Be Nominated Because: Many of the voters are huge 30 Seconds to Mars fans.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: This  movie wasn’t as good as Tootsie

Ryan Reynolds in The Croods as Guy

Could Be Nominated Because: He had a huge year with both R.I.P.D and The Croods being released and critically lauded.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JAI67yP1K0

Best Supporting Actress:

Oprah Winfrey in The Butler as Gloria Gaines

Could Be Nominated Because: The middle aged housewife voting block of The Academy is strong.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: No one gave a shit about this film.

Kim Kardashian in Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor as Ava

Could Be Nominated Because: Bound 2 video

Won’t Be Nominated Because: Bound 3 video

June Squibb in Nebraska as Kate Grant

Could Be Nominated Because: She had an affair with the President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, Cheryl Boone Isaacs

Won’t Be Nominated Because: TMZ reports that Squibb broke it off with Cheryl Boone Isaacs recently due to a “cunnilingus incident.”

Heather Graham in The Hangover Part III as Jade

Could Be Nominated Because: She can finally receive recognition for being the moral center of the Hangover series.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: I’m pretty sure no member of The Academy saw this movie.

C. C. H. Pounder in The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones as Madame Dorothea

Could Be Nominated Because: I mean, it’s a pretty funny name to say. Just imagine her name being said during the telecast and try not to chuckle.

Won’t Be Nominated Because: She has yet to reveal what C.C.H means. And until she does SHE WILL WATCH THE OSCAR TELECAST FROM HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Student’s Guide to Partying with Their Respective School: The School of Communication

17 Oct

So, it’s Saturday night. You’ve run out of tears to use as lubricant for masturbation things to watch on Netflix and you’re thinking, “Hey, I’m a College Student with Interests! Let me hit up some snazzy School of Communications kids for a wild night of debauchery.” Well, College Student with Interests, you’re not alone. It can be oodles of fun to party with The School of Communications! But, it can also turn into one clusterfuck of horrible decisions if you don’t recognize the warning signs. Here are some tips to get you through the night:SoCTwitter

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Titanic 3D: The Drinking Game

3 Apr

I guess I'm not the only one who likes to pretend I'm an airplane

As most of you know, Titanic is being released in 3D tonight in theatres across the country. Of course, this makes us wonder: Why? Just why? If I wanted to see Leonardo DiCaprio drown in 3 dimensions, I’d just go to sleep, because more often than not that’s what happens in my dreams. Instead of releasing Titanic in 3D, they should have cut the middle-man and just shown a 3-hour clip of James Cameron masturbating onto a thirty-foot high bonfire made from $100 bills and some physical embodiment of artistic integrity. Now don’t get me wrong; Titanic is a great movie. You get to see Kate Winslet’s tits, plus there’s a really cool shipwreck that occurs about halfway through the movie. On top of that, sadistic bastards like me really get a kick out of watching people drown for an hour and a half; watching the second half of Titanic is like visiting a water park in Baton Rouge.

The Titanic may not have been "unsinkable," but your liver is!

Anyway, let’s move to the drinking game. First of all, I feel that it’s important to explain why this movie should be approached with optimal levels of intoxication. In my personal case, it stems from the fact that when this movie was released, I was 5 years old and had 4 older sisters between the ages of 10 and 14. (Read: I have no chance at emotional stability.) Therefore, my house was the epicenter of conversations about how cute Leonardo DiCaprio was. Apparently I was the only member of my household who thought he looked like an effeminate little bitch in Titanic. But for those of us who were raised in households that weren’t conducive to self-loathing and an acute awareness of menstrual cycles, there are still reasons to flood your liver during this movie. For one thing, it’s super intellectual to draw a parallel between Jack drowning in the North Atlantic and you drowning in a pool of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Furthermore, if you’re going to spend the money to see this movie again – and by so doing, put more money into the douche-infested pockets of James Cameron – you might as well go all out. As an unfriendly and time-constrained hooker once said to me: Go hard or go home.

So, without further ado, here is the Titanic 3D drinking game. However, because of the uniqueness and importance of this movie, I have devised a drinking game for a few different scenarios in which you might be seeing it.

You’re seeing it with a group of friends: This experience should be made as heinous as humanly possible. I would actually suggest pregaming very heavily, being inappropriately drunk for the first half of the movie, and then starting to drink again during the second half to replenish. Here are some good rules for the second half of the movie:
• Drink every time someone gets in a lifeboat
• Drink every time someone drowns
• Drink every time Jack and Rose look at each other
• Drink every time you think the movie’s almost over and you’re wrong
• Waterfall for as long as the string quarter plays

"You told me you would stop masturbating at the movies..."

You’re seeing it with your girlfriend/wife: Chances are you’re being dragged along to this against your will. In that case, it may not be advisable to get too smashed, or else you’ll have to deal with all that angry girlfriend shit; “You always get drunk on our dates,” “You wouldn’t sacrifice yourself so I could have a spot on the lifeboat if we were on The Titanic,” etc. Steer clear of this whole shitfest but only getting somewhat drunk. Here are the proper rules to only achieve a partial level of inebriation:
• Drink every time Rose’s fiancée is a total sack of dicks
• Drink every time the Titanic hits an iceberg
• Drink every time women and children are given preferential treatment
• Drink every time young Rose gives you an erection and old Rose subsequently makes it go away forever

You’re seeing it alone: Waterfall from the part where it says “20th Century Fox” to the closing credits. You need it.