The Inferno: The Nine Circles of Valentine’s Day

Until recently, I had never been empathetic to the disease known as celebrating Valentine’s Day alone (symptoms of which include depression, overeating, and whining about February 14^th on any and all forms of social media). When you’ve ridden solo for nearly two decades’ worth of Valentine’s festivities, Singles Awareness Day eventually becomes a peaceful, practically meditative experience; instead of cry-sterbating and eating a tub of ice cream at my own personal pity party each year, I enjoyed a joyful day of solitude filled with a slew of rewarding personal activities (Okay, they’re the exact same activities as a pity party, minus the crying). While images of “love” and “happy couples” plagued me at work or school, I could safely journey home to escape any reminders of how depressingly sucky counter-culture it is to be single.

Never understood why Dante was such a big Static Shock fan (via toonbarn.com)

Well, that was until this year, for when I moved in with my roommate, I also unwittingly moved in with her boyfriend and all their couple-y bliss.

Dumbledore Excited for Another Gay Wizard

Jason Collins, showing off his Fidelius Charm.

LIMBO–Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, former headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, expressed his excitement this afternoon that another wizard, Washington Wizards center Jason Collins, had come out as gay.

In a press conference at the mystical limbo-like Kings Cross, the founder of the Order of the Phoenix congratulated the NBA journeyman Collins for becoming the first openly gay athlete in one of the four North American major sports leagues, writing, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but even more to be gay in the NBA. Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open. Except Dennis Rodman.”