Tag Archives: list

8 Reasons You Don’t Have A Valentine

14 Feb
Not shown: The Valentine's Day-themed porno this dude is streaming. (via Mashable)

Not shown: The Valentine’s Day-themed porno this dude is streaming. (via Mashable)

Well, it’s February 14th once again, and lo and behold, you’re Valentine-less. But don’t curl up with that pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a whole lotta misplaced emotions just yet! You don’t need to sob over your loneliness, because all of us singles can band together and know that we don’t have a Valentine this year because we are just too damn cool to be weighed down in a relationship! Don’t believe me? Just check out these top eight reasons that you don’t have a Valentine this year:

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29 Things that will Happen at Northwestern Just After You Graduate

12 Feb

1) The US News & World Report will rank Northwestern in the Top 10 Best Schools in the Nation.

Opening date: June 21, 2014, THE EXACT MOMENT Commencement ends. (via The Daily Northwestern)

Opening date: June 20 2014, THE EXACT MOMENT Commencement ends. (via The Daily Northwestern)

2) The University will purchase 25 new safe ride cars.

3) The new student center and lakeside athletic facilities will be built literally overnight, complete with sports bar.

4) Morty will commission a Continue reading

14 Signs You Live in Evanston

10 Feb

1. You’ve been through tougher winters than most of the people you know.

Evanston in the winter. Can you even recognize it?

Evanston in the winter. Can you even recognize it?

2. You’re no stranger to all the great dining and shopping options Evanston’s downtown has to offer.

Don’t you love Downtown Evanston?

Don’t you love Downtown Evanston?

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22 Things I’ve Learned So Far This Winter

8 Feb
(via Northwestern)

(via Northwestern)

1. If it drops anything less than 12 inches of snow, I literally do not give a fuck. I don’t want to hear about it on the news, I don’t want 100 statuses commemorating it on facebook, it doesn’t matter. Oh it snowed 10 inches? Rad. That happened twice last week.

2. There is no point in shoveling driveways or cleaning off cars, because in 12 hours SHIT IS GOING TO BE COVERED ONCE AGAIN IN FUCKING SNOW.

3. It may be time to accept the fact that Continue reading

8 Winter Olympic Events Northwestern Would Win

7 Feb

1. Die-athalon. Also known as “Inline Midterms,” the Die-athalon requires the participants to be fully willing to die in University Library over the course of a grueling five day span. The athletes must sustain themselves only on the weird ham sandwiches you can buy in those vending machines on the second floor, and are judged on how many times they click away from Netflix as they pretend to prepare for their six midterms in three classes. The Die-athalon annually claims the lives of all but one of the contestants.

2. Pairs Figure Skating. “The partners see each other now, locking eyes from nearly half a block away on Sheridan. They glide gracefully toward each other, veering side to side in near unison, almost as if they’re actually just trying to pass each other but can’t stop slipping on all this goddamn ice. They’re almost to each other now! The girl falls backwards, pretending to slip, in the utmost display of trust. The man reaches out, catching her in his arms! They spin around, papers flying! And at last they’re still, a perfect catch! 9.8’s from every judge, and gold to Northwestern!” Continue reading

19 Times BuzzFeed Made You Want to Drink Excessively to Deal with their Ridiculous Drivel Masquerading as Journalism

5 Feb

1. 13 Potatoes that Look Like Channing Tatum

BuzzFeed's internationally recognized mascot.

BuzzFeed’s internationally recognized mascot.

I once sat across the aisle from Channing Tatum on a plane which yeah isn’t totally relevant but it’s one of my better stories and I want you to think I’m cool he wore expensive looking headphones.

2. 13 Reasons Shakira Should Be President of the World

Listen BuzzFeed editors, it’s clear from the content of your site that you didn’t go to college, but a 4th grade education should have taught you that president of the world is not a real job. And if it were it would go to Beyoncé.

3. 30 Reasons Birth Control Exists

Um. To prevent pregnancy? Continue reading

The Top Ten Wikipedia Wormholes

3 Feb

When’s the last time you wikipedia-ed the living shit out a random subject just for the sake of learning? Hold on, what? Never? Ok

Let it take control.  You are powerless against it's magnificent aura.

Let it take control. You are powerless against its magnificent aura.

fine, asshole. When’s the last time you wikipedia-ed the living shit out a random subject just for the sake of procrastinating? Yesterday? That’s what I fucking thought, douchenozzle.

But how do you know that you’re getting the most out of your Wikipedia experience? Have you ever thought that maybe the shit you Wikipedia is boring and that, much like everything about your life, you are also boring? Yo quit yelling, it’s chill. We’re here to set things straight. Continue reading

10 Totally Safe Remarks to Make on Super Bowl Sunday if You Don’t Know Shit about Football

2 Feb

The Super Bowl is on Sunday.  This is a big game if you like football.  If you don’t know what football is, or you got invited to a Super Bowl Party by some guy/girl you’re crushing on, or if you wake up from a nap on Sunday to find a crowd has gathered around you to watch “the game,” here are a few things you can say to create the illusion that you are aware of/interested in what’s going on:

"Sports!  Throwing! Touchdown!  AHHHH!"

“Sports! Throwing! Touchdown! YEAHHH!” (via Youtube)

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Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: The Vomelette

17 Jan

There are many extra-curricular activities in which to participate on any given college campus.  We, as students, are all busy with classes, of course, but we’re often even busier with things besides classes.  These extra-curricular activities, all of them, any of them, are highly enriching, and you should absolutely do them and meet people and expose yourself to new experiences and all of those great things.

Imagine this, but with a slightly green tone, and you've got it.

Imagine this, but with a slightly greenish tone, and you’ve got it.

However, there is a chance that, with certain extra-curricular activities, you will need to communicate to the current members of that certain extra-curricular activity that you are a worthy “prospect,” for lack of a better term.  You may have to do this through an interview, a feat of physical strength, or other such “tests.”   But for a certain extra-curricular activity, you may be required to (or rather encouraged, since you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to but if you don’t do this thing you might get, for example, “taunted,” for lack of a better term, in some manner), say, digest something, whether it be a food or drink; and, for a certain extra-curricular activity, the name of which is irrelevant and unnecessary to give, this food or drink may be, to most, undesirable to consume.

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12 Adorable Baby Boys That Will Melt Your Heart

6 Jan

Infancy is a world of wonder. It’s full of curiosity, awe, discovery, imagination, hope, and new life. In a world that at times may seem harsh, jaded, cynical, and unimaginative, the smile of a newborn baby can be a breath of fresh air. For these reasons, we’ve compiled twelve photos of darling bouncing baby boys to brighten your day. Continue reading