Remember when you set up your first email address? You spent three weeks thinking of the perfect name, and another three weeks mourning when you discovered that batman@hotmail.com had already been taken by some douche who probably doesn’t even know who Professor Hugo Strange is. You finally settled upon a name and password, cleverly lied to Hotmail and said you were 13 years old*, and next thing you knew, you had your very own email address. Hardly able to contain your excitement, you logged in immediately and Continue reading
Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Managing Your Email
29 Aug- Comments 1 Comment
- Categories Advice, Freshman Guide
- Author Ross Packingham
Translating Northwestern Listserv and Group Posts
17 JanLost Items
Sample Post: “Hey guys, I lost my wallet and wildcard somewhere in the frat quad last night. I’m not sure where I dropped them, but I think I lost them somewhere around there. If anyone finds them, please let me know. Thx!”
Meaning: “I lost my self-respect and dignity somewhere in the Beta House last night. However, since my possessions are probably damaged beyond repair, I guess I’d be able to settle for being able to pay for meals to make up for all the food I ‘lost’ on the steps of Bobb.”
Interviews
Sample Post: “Hey, I’m a Journalism Major and I’m looking to interview someone who does [insert interest here] or has [insert problem here] for my enterprise story. If someone does [insert interest here] or has [insert problem here], please contact me. Thanks for the help guys!”
Meaning: “I really don’t have many friends because I spend most of my time learning grammar and worrying about Medill. I’m really excited to talk to anyone about anything. I don’t have great communication skills so scripted conversations are the only ways I can talk to anyone. Someone please talk to me…Please….PLEASE!!!!”
Selling Things
Sample Post: “I’m selling all of my books from Macro, Chem, and EDC last quarter. Contact me if interested. I’m very flexible on price.”
Meaning: “I’m dropping my real major for sociology. Last quarter was hell and I can’t stand to have these fucking books staring me in the face every time I get back “The Family and Society.” Will somebody please take them away? Maybe for a dollar? 50 cents? JUST FUCKING TAKE THEM!!!!!”
Funny Posts
Sample Post: “I came to Northwestern for the sports teams. We’re, like, SOOOOO GOOD at football lol.”
Meaning: “I’m not very good at coming up with funny things normally, but when I think of something, I need to share it with everyone I can. You should totes like my post and validate my self-worth.”
Extra TicketsSample Post: “Me and a friend bought 5 tickets to [insert event here], but the other people can’t go. If you’re interested in coming, please message me asap. Thanks!!!”
Meaning: “My one friend and I bought extra tickets to [insert event here] because we really aren’t good at making friends, but we figured nobody could resists free stuff, so someone would have to be our friends. We thought about just paying people to be our friends, but we thought that was going too far. But yeah, everyone should TOTALLY come and be our friends!!!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ xoxo”
Hopefully this guide has helped you to understand the inner-workings of the minds of your fellow students.
Tags: Beta, Beta house, Bobb, chem, communication skills, dignity, EDC, email, enterprise story, extra tickets, football, Frat Quad, Friends, fucking books, funny, grammar, groups, guide, interviews, journalism, journalism major, listserv, lost items, macro, Major, meals, meaning, Medill, Northwestern, Northwestern University, posts, price, Ross Packingham, self-respect, self-worth, selling things, sociology, sports, students, subscribe, The Family and Society, tickets, validation, wallet, wildcard
- Comments 1 Comment
- Categories Uncategorized
- Author Manua Hiki-Hiki
That’s right, we tweet too
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