If there’s one thing Sherman Ave prides itself on, it’s follow through. That, and our stunning mastery of the entire AP U.S. History Flashcard set. So, in the hopes of amping you up to take the 2013 Sherman Ave Readers’ Poll, here are the results of last year’s 2012 Sherman Ave Readers’ Poll. Enjoy the blast from the heinous past.
Most Heinous Event of 2012
With 18% of the vote, the winner was: Evanston revoking the Keg’s liquor license. The Keg may not have survived the wrath of Tizzy, but it did manage to eke out a one-vote victory over the advent of #YOLO, followed closely by the I Agree With Markwell campaign and the notorious Vandy seal clubbingscandal. Rest in peace, old friend. We swear to hold you forever in our memory by linking to this every goddamn opportunity we get.
If you are an avid Sherman Ave reader, then you likely have seen our line by line analysis of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’s chart topping hit “Thrift Shop.” Or if you are a casual reader you have probably seen the article too–it’s our most viewed article of all time, which just speaks to how fantastic the song is.
Thrift Shop has achieved many firsts in terms of its chart performanc. It was the second ever independent song at number one and held that place for 6 weeks, and its reign would have lasted into perpetuity were it not knocked down halfway through its tenure by the Harlem Shake, because apparently Youtube clips of a song count towards a song’s total plays. But really have you listened to more than 30 seconds of Harlem Shake? If you have then you definitely didn’t do it a second time. That song sucks.
How could we as a society commemorate a song that brought irony to the forefront of the mainstream, that brought a generation together through identifying with a culture it doesn’t really understand, that pissed off your friends from Seattle cause they knew about it when it came out (that was back in last August. When Todd Akin was still culturally relevant). How do we honor it? We better Kidz Bop this mothafucka.
Sometimes, one PBR just isn’t enough for a night in the stacks.
1. Michael Cera: Nursing your first natty
Hey. You’re in the corner? Oh wow, I’m in the corner too. Wow, yeah. This corner is really hopping. [Silence]. Are you having fun in this corner? Yeah. Yeah, me too. I really like this song.
Hey, so this is probably gonna come off kinda weird but I thought I’d say a couple run-on sentences in a breathy detached voice about how pretty your eyelashes looked when that dude who looks like Tori Spelling stumbled into the wall and turned the light switch on for a second and I’m sorta hoping if I tell you this I’ll get laid cause you think I’m cute. I mean I’m not like trying to tell you you’re attractive but I’m not trying to tell you you’re not or anything, I guess if it’s okay that I think you’re really attractive then yeah that’s how I meant it. Oh. Oh, yeah. You have a boyfriend. You know, I think I need another drink.
It’s a Wednesday night, you got a 31 on your midterm, and you just remembered that your landlord pays your water bill. Sounds like it’s time for a shower beer! If you haven’t been introduced to the joys of a cold beer in a hot, steamy shower yet, have no fear! I’ll walk you through it. But before you get all lathered up, there are three things you’ll need:
1. Beer. Although shot gunning a can of Busch Light may be a great way to impress the ladiez, it isn’t a shower beer. Try something that doesn’t taste like piss water.
2. A place to put your beer to keep it shampoo-free.
Holds your beer, so you don’t have to!
3. This playlist*
LMFAO – Sexy And I Know It
Who doesn’t feel sexy dripping wet and slightly buzzed? It’s time to DANCE!**
Adele – Someone Like You
Use any excuse to belt this song at the top of your lungs. Plus, the acoustics in the bathroom are pretty great
OutKast – Hey Ya
Throwbacks are 259% better while drunk. So are emotional rollercoasters brought on by listening to this immediately after Adele.
Taylor Swift – We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
Remember that emotional rollercoaster I was talking about?
Macklemore – Thrift Shop
So I’m a little obsessed with this song right now (who isn’t?) and it gives me an excuse to practice my sexy bass singing voice (I don’t care if biology says girls can’t sing that low, someday I will sing bass!)
Miley Cyrus – Party in the USA
No playlist is complete without a song about America. And this one is just so damn catchy…
Rose Royce – Car Wash
Car wash, face wash…same thing
Katy Perry – Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)
The perfect combination of funny and sexy: you can sing the words you know and dance to the ones you don’t.
Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe
Everyone else may be sick of this song, but I know all the words, and I love singing it in the shower. Pro tip: beer bottles make excellent microphones.
The Police – Roxanne
You know the game where half the room drinks every time they say “Roxanne” and the other half drinks whenever they say “put on the red light”? This is the same, except you are both teams. If you haven’t finished your beer yet (it’s OK if it’s your second…or fourth), bottoms up!
That’s it! Now go grab a PBR and some coconut body wash.
-Tabitha McHunter
*This is by no means a good combination of songs and should not be taken as such
**Sherman Ave is not responsible for any injuries incurred while dancing in the shower.
So the new Macklemore & Ryan Lewis album The Heist just dropped and basically it’s fucking awesome. I’ve decided to take a look at one of the more remarkable tracks off the album, “Thrift Shop.” Here now begins a lyrical analysis of the above song.
“What, what, what, what, what….
From the outset, the listener’s curiosity is piqued, building into the sexy saxophone hook.
I’m gonna pop some tags/ only got 20 dollars in my pocket
Limited by a frustrating, Obama’s America budget, Macklemore, speaking through Wanz, is nevertheless determined to refresh his wardrobe with some novel accouterments.
I, I, I’m hunting, lookin’ for a come-up/ This is fucking awesome.
The artist is unable to contain his excitement as he searches for a surprise new fashion trend, which he himself shall inspire. Certainly, the pleasure lies in the pursuit.
Walk into the club like what up, I got a big cock/I’m so pumped, I bought some shit from a thrift shop
Fast forward now to a moment in which Mackelmore’s newfound discount “swag” is already prominently on display at a discotheque. His braggadocio—or is it genuine honesty? —well suits his fresh duds. Macklemore now confirms our suspicion: that his fantastic fur coat came at a discounted purchase, and that he derives excitement from that fact.
Ice on the fringe is so damn frosty, /The people like “damn, that’s a cold ass honkey”
Macklemore ascribes his incredibly rare and valuable discovery as something akin to a diamond, or “ice,” which, when found “on the fringe,” or outside of the conventional realm, is especially “cool” or “frosty.” The extraordinary nature of his find has the crowd’s attention and respect.
Rollin’ in hella deep, headed to the mezzanine/Dressed in all pink, except my gator shoes, those are green. /Draped in a leopard mink girls standin’ next to me/Probably should have washed this, it smells like R. Kelly’s sheets
On his way to the entresol with a number of disciples, Macklemore reveals that his fur coat was only an appetizer to something much greater. For him, pink is not for cancer supporters, little girls, or real men. Rather, it is for those who would dare to demonstrate a remarkable sense of style and, further, to be shod in the skin of a deadly fresh-water predator. Adorned with additional super intensely awesome animal skins and fine women to boot, Macklemore suddenly discovers the chink in the armor (LOLJeremyLinLOL), his very own Achilles’ Heel. For all the grandeur of his garb, his perfume is not so sweet. Nay, it is reminiscent of a certain R&B artist’s alleged proclivity to relieve himself onto young women, to “turn [their faces] into a toilet seat, as it were.[1]
Pissssssssssssss/But shit, it was 99 cents. /Bought it, coppin’ it, washin’ it.
Highly effective onomatopoeia precedes Macklemore’s unapologetic explanation for the scent, as well as his willingness to address the issue at a future point in time.
‘Bout to go and get some compliments passin’ off in those moccasins/Someone else has been walkin’ in, but me and grungie fuckin’ ‘em/I am stuck in a closet and savin’ my money/And I’m hella happy, that’s a bargain, bitch.
Here, Macklemore documents further instances in which he demonstrates observers’ appreciation for his second-hand style.
Imma take your grandpa’s style, imma take your grandpa’s style, /No, for real I asked your grandpa, can I have his hand-me-downs?
Now Macklemore turns on the listener. He’s going to steal YOUR grandpa’s style. OUR COLLECTIVE GRANDPA’S STYLE. Technically, since both of my grandfathers are dead, I’m exempt from all of this. Still, he’s taking our entitlements. OUR OBAMA-GIVEN ENTITLEMENTS.
The lord’s jumpsuit and some house slippers, /Dookie brown leather jacket that I found diggin’. /They had a broken keyboard, I bought a broken keyboard/ I bought a skeet blanket, then I bought a kneeboard.
Don’t ask what a skeet blanket is. Seriously, don’t. Well, you don’t really need to, since I guess it’s pretty fucking obvious. Not sure about the need for a broken keyboard, that just seems wasteful, but maybe Macklemore likes fixer uppers. But a kneeboard? Oh hell yes. Way better than tubing or waterskiing. Also good if you suffer from paraplegia.
Arguably the funkiest white man since Michael Jackson
Hello, hello, my ace man, my mello/John Wayne ain’t got nothing on my fringe game,
Hell no! I can take some pro wings make ‘em cool, sell those/ The sneaker heads will be like “Ah he got the Velcro.”
When I first heard these lines, I thought Macklemore was saying that John Wayne had nothing on “my French gay Elmo.” I like my version better. Fringe game makes a lot more sense though. Also, Velcro on shoes needs to come back. Laces are the worst.
I’m gonna pop some tags
Only got 20 dollars in my pocket
I, I, I’m hunting, lookin’ for a come-up
This is fucking awesome. (x2)
What you know ‘bout rockin’ the wolf on your noggin/What you knowin’ about wearing a fur fox skin/I’m digging, I’m digging, I’m searching right through that luggage/One man’s trash, thats another man’s come-up. /Thanking gran dad, for donating that plaid button-up shirt/‘cause right now I’m up in here stuntin’ I’m at the Goodwill, you can find me in the Benz, /I’m not, I’m not, I’m not searching in that section.
This is the part of the song that separates the dedicated lip-syncing sing-along assholes from the rest. These lyrics aren’t particularly remarkable except that they’re delivered so rapidly and so stylishly. I gave up just reading through this section. I do like the idea of a wolf on my noggin though. But according to Macklemore, I wouldn’t know anything about that.
Your grandma, your aunties, your momma, your mammy, /I’ll take those flannel zebra ‘jammies secondhand, I’ll rock that motherfucker. /They built-in onesie with the socks on the motherfucker.
Macklemore is going shopping with the females of your extended family. Further, he’s going to take that snuggie fad and turn it on its head by bringing back the adult onesie. Wait, did that already happen? I guess it hasn’t happened with USED onesies yet. Certainly not flannel zebra onesies. Personally, my feet always got too hot when I wore a onesie with the socks on the motherfucker. I felt that way as a 2-year old, I still feel it now. Macklemore can keep his zebra onesies.
I hit the party and they stopped in that motherfucker. /They be like oh! That Gucci, that’s hella tight. /I’m like Yo! That’s 50 dollars for a t-shirt. /Limited edition, let’s do some simple addition, 50 dollars for a t-shirt, that’s just some ignorant bitch shit. /I call that getting swindled and pimped, shit. /I call that getting tricked by a business. /That shirt’s hella dough/ and having the same one as six other people in this club is a hella don’t.
Peep game, come take a look through my telescope/Trying to get girls with brands, then you hella won’t. /Man, you hella won’t.
Macklemore now engages in an extended, poignant rant about the unreasonable, even criminal costs associated with modern style. 50 dollars for a t-shirt, indeed. The modern textile industry, evolved from its horribly abusive and exploitative relationship with cheap labor, has now begun to harmfully manipulate consumers. Not only is modern style too expensive, but with it also comes a lack of creativity. What brand could compete with the originality of Macklemore’s thrift shop-inspired style? Chumps who sport brand names certainly cannot keep up with Macklemore’s romantic talents, piss-smell and all.
I’m gonna pop some tags
Only got 20 dollars in my pocket
I, I, I’m hunting, looking for a come-up
This is fucking awesome.
I wear your granddad’s clothes, /I look incredible, /I’m in this big ass coat, from that thrift shop down the road. (x2)
Wanz now adds to the chorus, implementing the previous information about taking your geriatric elder’s style. Not only will he take said style, he will look really fucking awesome in it too. Get it? Fucking awesome? Yeah.
I’m gonna pop some tags
Only got 20 dollars in my pocket
I, I, I’m hunting, looking for a come-up
This is fucking awesome.
Is that your grandma’s coat?
Well, is it?
*Credit to RapGenius.com for its passive assistance with interpreting the lyrics and also intuiting certain concepts/phrases that my honky ass cannot comprehend. [1] NOT GUILTY BETCHES. I’m a grown ass man, amirite?
Can't tell if enormous music festival, or Obama just got re-elected.
If you’re disappointed by this year’s Lolla lineup, I don’t think we can be friends.
That’s a dangerous statement to make, because based on my Facebook newsfeed from last night, following through with it would mean de-friending half the people I know. So I probably won’t do that. Instead I’ll write this article explaining why they’re all wrong and I’m right (as usual).
Music is subjective, and thus it’s hard for people to agree on the quality of festival lineups. Regardless of the concert or the headliners, it seems impossible to please everyone. Take this from someone who posted his very own “Lolla lineup…eh” status this time last year, only to be blown away in August by Flogging Molly’s steamy noontime mosh pit and Deadmau5’s rain-soaked lightshow.
So yeah, the headliners this year are kinda wacky. Red Hot Chili Peppers have been so popular for so long that it’s easy for people to dismiss them. It’s also becoming progressively harder to think of The Black Keys as cool when the popularity of Brothers has them filling stadiums. Is Jack White really any good without Meg or his other collaborators? And what the fuck is up with Black Sabbath?
Before moving on, I’ll just say, in order: you’re forgetting how awesome it would be to hear hits like “Snow (Hey Oh)” and “Under the Bridge” live; bottling the frantic energy that fuels Patrick Carney’s spastic drumming and using it to power cities could finally end our oil dependence, so that comes across no matter the venue; considering I can’t even name the other members of The Raconteurs, the answer is probably “yes;” and I’m not sure, but that beautiful idiosyncrasy is what makes Lolla Lolla.
There are a lot of American music festivals to occupy your summer time, and they’re multiplying faster than the number of student publications at Northwestern. They each occupy their own niche.
Coachella kicks off the festival season, and usually has a pretty sexy lineup. But then again, it takes place a stone’s throw from Hollywood, so money and celebrity is evident in its DNA. This is the only place where you can see Jay-Z and Danny DeVito jamming out to Phoenix, and it’s also the only festival with the budget to bring in big money marquee acts like Kanye West and Mumford & Sons (last year) or Dr. Dre (this year).
Bonnaroo (which I always end up misspelling, btw) is a jammy desert party. Its lineup is usually stocked with jam band standard bearers (Umphrey’s McGee are almost never not there, and Phish’s headlining slot this year has to be the least surprising revelation since Northwestern’s announcement that they would push next year’s schedule back to accommodate Rosh Hashanah), classic rock reunions (Buffalo Springfield! Beach Boys! WTF!), and great rap acts (everybody from Black Star to Kendrick Lamar will be there this year), plus a bunch of other great stuff.
As for the smaller festivals, Sasquatch usually has the indie vibe you would expect from the Pacific Northwest, Pitchfork brings in the eponymous hipster website’s pet favorites, and Newport is all folk all the time. If any of those aesthetics really appeal to you, their lineups will naturally make you dubious of Lolla’s. For example, I’m kind of a hipster, and Pitchfork 2012’s inclusion of Vampire Weekend and Sleigh Bells made my Lolla expectations rise dramatically. The fact that Lolla still blew me away should help you realize how awesome it is, and if it doesn’t, give a couple paragraphs more to explain.
These guys have been headlining Lollapalooza longer than I've lived outside a womb.
What is Lolla’s particular flavor, you ask? Well, Lolla was founded by Jane’s Addiction frontman Perry Farrell (who lends his name to the dance tent), and the festival has never strayed far from its Nineties roots: it’s formed the epicenter of Soundgarden and Rage Against the Machine reunions in recent years. In addition, Lolla has also been all in on the resurgent popularity of dance music; last year, Deadmau5 was a headliner, while Skrillex, Bloody Beetroots, and Girl Talk all passed through Perry’s. Yes, all of them.
Another way to say this is that of all the festivals I mentioned, Lolla carries the most generic “rock and roll” vibe, in the sense that anything pretty much goes. They don’t draw a lot of jam bands, because that’s Bonnaroo’s forte, but they showcase artists from every other fragment of the mosaic that is modern rock. Lady GaGa was there the same year as Green Day and Arcade Fire. Last year, while I was dancing to Deadmau5 in the mud and rain, my cousin was across the park reliving his Nineties youth with the Foo Fighters, and one of my best friends was watching her home boy Kid Cudi kick over an amp and mumble his way through “Day N’ Nite.” Find me three artists more different than those. I dare you.
Unfortunately, in representing everyone, you also end up pissing off everyone too, at least a little bit. This is why no one listens to radio or watches network news anymore, and this is why no one would say they completely love the Lolla lineup. No, people just want to watch Jon Stewart reflect their own snarky liberalism, and as a result the best you can get is “well, SBTRKT will be there, I guess I’ll go.”
So there’s probably not a single person out there who is excited about more than two or three of this year’s headliners. That’s okay, especially because Lolla’s lineup is always one of the deepest, and the true gems are to be found a few lines below Ozzy and Friends. A quick summary:
Of Monsters and Men
If you haven’t heard Bizarro Icelandic Arcade Fire’s magnificent single “Little Talks” yet, then you 1. Have been living under a rock, 2. Should be ashamed of yourself, and 3. Need to drop what you’re doing and immediately click on that hyperlink I so graciously provided. It’s great, and the rest of their debut My Head Is an Animal is similarly folktastic. Given their recent popularity surge, their sweeping, festival-ready sound, and Mumford proving that gigantic bands are insanely energetic and watchable, I’m looking out for them.
Even Black Sabbath couldn't look that cool with a ukelele.
Tune-Yards
What’s a boy to do if he’ll never be a gangsta? Listen to this song, because it’s fucking awesome. It’s hard to tell if Merill Garbus’s sexuality is more of an enigma than her appearances at every major festival this summer (Lolla, Bonnaroo, Coachella, AND Sasquatch!). All I know is I will be going HAM when she plays “Gangsta,” and enjoying the shit out of her live, on-the-spot loops. Plus, given her propensity for weird clothes and face paint, if anyone can top Cee Lo’s unsettling bondage gear getup from last year, it’s her. What the fuck will she wear? It’ll be a fun mystery. Seeing Tune-Yards live was definitely on my 2012 summer bucket list, so I’m glad she’s giving me the chance. You should be too.
The Tallest Man on Earth
With the possible exception of Barack Obama showing up at my house on my birthday just to give me a high-five, there is nothing that could happen that would make me happier than hearing Swedish singer/songwriter Kristian Matsson perform “Little River” live. His music is my favorite thing maybe ever. I have watched his cover of “Graceland” so many times it’s obscene (please, if you click on only one hyperlink in this article, let it be this). Along with a demonstrated knowledge of The Wire, saying you love Tallest Man is a guaranteed free entry into best friend status with me.
Unfortunately, he is difficult to catch live, because of the whole “lives in Sweden” thing. Aside from a Pitchfork appearance (before I knew about him!) and a Coachella appearance last year (expensive!), his American performances have been few and far between.
My Ave colleague Bristol Bacchus seems to think that this year’s Newport lineup dwarfs Lolla’s. The fact that Tallest Man, Of Monsters and Men, and The Head and the Heart are playing at Lolla as well as Newport kind of defeats that entire argument unless you’re REALLY into folk.
His set will be amazing, I will probably cry, and there’s nothing else to say about it.
The Gaslight Anthem
My illogical love for this unapologetically Springsteen-influenced group is second only to my aforementioned Tallest Man fetish. Along with Joe Pug’s The Great Despiser, their upcoming release Handwritten is the summer album I’m most looking forward to. The best I can do to explicate their awesomeness is to direct you to this song, which has gone on pretty much every mix CD I’ve ever made. And trust me, even though Bruce won’t be there to back them up, as in Evander Jones’ favorite YouTube clip of all time that doesn’t involve puppies, they will still make for an awesome rock show.
I know I’m probably starting to come off as a bit overeager, but these really are some of my favorite bands. If the entire festival consisted solely of sets by Tallest Man and Gaslight Anthem, I would seriously consider paying full price. All this festival needs to make me explode with happiness would be an appearance by Seattle rap duo Blue Scholars. Hey, wait a sec…
Wait, isn't that guy in my British Literature discussion?
Macklemore
…you’re saying that Blue Scholars’ frequent collaborator and fellow Seattle native Macklemore will be there? Well, okay then. Even though I didn’t meet anyone from there until this year, I have developed a weird obsession with the culture Seattle. I love their music, from the soothing otherworldliness of Robin Pecknold’s voice to the smooth but socially aware raps of Geologic and Sabzi, and at last year’s Lolla my decision to wear a Mariners jersey while my friend sported his Gary Payton throwback resulted in multiple “Hey are you guys from Seattle?” “No we’re just weirdos” exchanges, with varying degrees of awkwardness. So I’m pumped about Macklemore, one of the few white dudes that can not only rap but also brings his own style (defined by an eclectically raspy flow, personal anecdotes, and reflections on drugs whiteness in hip-hop) to the game.
But as fun as his set will probably be, it’s true that this year’s Lolla lineup is starkly lacking in the hip-hop department, especially coming off the heels of Eminem’s set last year. I’m forgiving of this because I’m from Chicago and will be going to Pitchfork, whose rap lineupis stellar. But if Lolla’s your only festival, or you’re really into rap, 2012 Lolla might be a bit of a lowdown. I personally think that the awesome diversity of the rest of the lineup makes up for it (and hey, Childish Gambino is there too, even though Camp went over like a fart in church to a certain degree), but I’m acknowledging that downside.
M83
Question: What was Pitchfork’s song of the year?
Answer: “Midnight City” by M83.
Question: Does it include a mind-bogglingly kickass saxophone solo?
Answer: Yes.
Question: What song would be really awesome to hear live, especially if it happened as the sun was setting behind a skyscraper-lined horizon, a la last year’s Explosions in the Sky set?
Answer: Pretty much any song by M83, particularly “Intro” or the aforementioned “Midnight City.”
Awesomeness awaits.
Totally stole this from Spinal Tap.
Sigur Ros
Awesome instrumentals, including a guitar played with a cello bow by a half-blind Icelandic pop singer with a killer falsetto! Lyrics that are tantalizingly cryptic, usually because they’re written in an invented language called Hopelandic! A band name that translates to “Victory Rose!”
These random facts about the best Icelandic band ever (you’ve still got something to prove, Of Monsters and Men) should hint at how cool they are, but the only way to understand Sigur Ros is to listen to them yourself, and lose yourself in the insanely addictive magic.
To recap, that’s two Icelandic bands, one Swedish singer-songwriter, a Seattle rapper, a rock band that offers a throwback to Springsteen, and an electronic band. There’s no way that anyone is equally excited about all of them. Some people will probably only go to Lolla to see Santigold and Big Gigantic at the dance tent, and yes, there will definitely be people there super pumped to see Black Sabbath.
The Lolla lineup will never be cool. But this year, it will be awesome.
Sherman Ave 