Hey Boy, Whatcha Doin’: One Man’s Confession of New Girl Fandom

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Editor’s Note:  This is a very moving, personal piece. It required months of careful preparation and was written with emotion, courage, tears, and courage.  Please show some respect and share it on your Facebook wall.

Last weekend I was at a party with some friends, and I found myself talking to a girl.  We hit it off really well.  We had a lot of the same interests – but one particular one really stood out.  And that one particular interest carried the conversation.

“I know it’s unconventional, but I like Winston the best…”

“My favorite thing she did was when she dressed as an old-timey cigarette girl for that one party at the bar.  Remember that?  That was pretty quirky…”

“You know in my apartment we actually have a douchebag jar?  It’s so funny…”

But then it stopped.  A large, brown-haired, brown-eyed young man came up to me and stared me dead in the eyes.

5 Reasons to Date A Misogynistic Prick

Men sure have it rough. From making more money than women to not having to worry about living things crawling out of them, a man’s life is full of worry. So much so, in fact, that we’re seeing the emergence of a “men’s rights” movement.

This movement has reached its apex with the website bearing the moniker “Return of Kings.” According to their tagline, they are for “masculine men,” which I guess means that people like Jean Claude Van Damme and David Hasselhoff are regular readers of articles like “20 Things Women Do That Should be Shamed, Not Celebrated,” which highlights shameful actions like “single motherhood” and “being a foodie,” or the one that has really wadded some panties on my Facebook timeline, “5 Reasons To Date A Girl With An Eating Disorder.”

The Four Most Embarrassing Things You Did as a Teenager

“Dude, Green Day are the Beatles of our generation.”

Now that you’ve survived spending time at home with your younger relatives, all those old memories are coming back to you.  Remember your creepy loyal and unrequited love for The One, who dated the ugly skank with the stripper name instead of you?[1] Remember that time your stupid mean “friend” ditched the Fabulous Five Femme Fatales to go to Homecoming in her stupid boyfriend’s group and totally spent the whole dance frenching with him? Remember changing for gym class? Taylor Swift, why isn’t any of this in the song about being fifteen?

This, apparently, is what teenage siblings are for: to remind you of the awful weird bitchy creature you were just a few short years ago. And now you realize: everyone was probably really embarrassed on your behalf, too. Here’s a list of the things you really shouldn’t have been proud of.[2]