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Tag Archives: marijuana

Local Man First to Notice Easter and 4/20 Are Same Day

19 Apr

SALINE, Mi. – According to sources, local man Evan McSweeny pointed out to a small group of his friends this afternoon that the holiday of Easter and the cult holiday of 4/20 occur on the same day in the year 2014 – April 20th.

“Yeah man, isn’t that nuts,” McSweeny reportedly commented to his friend group while giggling wildly. “Jesus is gonna be getting high off of God and shit, and off of some gnarly kush.” Continue reading

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Roommate Swears to Have Smoked with Chance The Rapper One Time

6 Apr
(via MTV)

(via MTV)

EVANSTON, Il. – On Thursday night, shortly after Mayfest organizers announced that Chance The Rapper would be the daytime headliner at Dillo Day, your roommate excitedly declared that he met Chance at a party last summer. According to your roommate, the party was hosted by his high school buddy’s second-cousin at an apartment in the Southside of Chicago in late July.

Your roommate claims to have recognized the 20 year-old rapper immediately because he had been a fan of him “forever,” even before the release of his first mixtape, #10Day. Furthermore, your roommate “swears to fucking god” that he smoked a massive blunt with him outside and listened to him free-style rap.

When asked for comment, your roommate giddily recounted his life-defining experience: Continue reading

Five Reasons Why The People Who Smoke Your Weed Think You’re The Best

23 Jan

You’re the best. Like, the fucking greatest. You have no idea. However, your high friend – you know the one – has several ideas (only five of which are “Bring back the Oreo pizza”). Those ideas: all the reasons why you’re “dope as a mug.” We managed to record the most important ones here, so you know how “freaking great” you are.

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Very High Person Just Loses Brilliant Idea

4 Jan

Snoop…is a Cardinals fan?

DENVER– Local savant Brian Douglas was on the cusp of some truly Earth-shattering knowledge, before he just lost his train of thought for a second. Douglas, 23, totally had an idea for a second there, maybe about technology, religion, or just life, man, leaving scientists, philanthropists, and just about everyone waiting desperately. Continue reading

#GetFuckedCal

29 Aug
Don't ask what the lightsaber's for.

Don’t ask what the lightsaber’s for.

Dear Cal,

I know we’ve only seen each other once before, but apparently the thorough dicking you received during the Truman administration was so great you couldn’t help but ask us to come back for more.

So here we are, yet again, the Gator Bowl Champion Wildcats visiting Berkeley for the first time since the Soviets went all nuclear and since the sad hippie burnout Golden Bears last retained any sense of national relevance.  And this time, Fitz and his 22nd nationally-ranked crew come bearing a message:

Get fucked Cal.

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Amanda Bynes: Master Troll

28 May
Troll

Troll

Do you ever think about the celebrity infatuation that exists in this county?

The generous amount of on-air time spent covering the Hollywood aristocracy would make any publicity-seeking radical weep into their manifestos. This is especially true with the celebrity meltdown, the fall from grace which has become a parody of itself. The drugs, the denials, the arrests, it has all become so cliché that you need to spice it up nowadays if you want attention (e.g. with racism, animal abuse, revanchism, etc.).

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The Hangover Cure That Never Fails

9 Jan
Pictured: You, tomorrow morning

Pictured: You, tomorrow morning

Up until I turned 21, I could drink myself into oblivion as often as I wanted and never once woke up to find my body telling me that I had too much fun the night before, a dreaded condition commonly known as the hangover. But mother nature has a sick sense of humor, and since then seems to delight in watching me suffer every morning after I drunkenly belt “Afternoon Delight” on my walk home from telling a group of strangers my most embarrassing secrets.

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