New Meal Plan Lets NU Students Pay for Dunkin’ Donuts in Self-Esteem

Pictured: Guilt, later.

EVANSTON, Il. – A new meal plan will allow Northwestern students to exchange their self-esteem for food at Norris Student Center’s recently-opened Dunkin’ Donuts. The plan will allow the fast-food chain, along with Northwestern, to capitalize on the plummeting self-confidence of students who eat at Dunkin’ Donuts.

“On opening day it became immediately clear that after eating our donuts, students were losing self-esteem and satisfaction with their body image—mostly due to the fattening nature of the food we sell,” said Nigel Travis, CEO of Dunkin’ Donuts. “We figured we might as well turn a profit on their loss.”

Students will still be able to pay for donuts and sandwiches with Equivalency Meals, Munch Money, and points. NUcuisine yesterday released a more detailed explanation of the meal plan, summarized here:

Five College Football Bowl Games That Need New Names

Every year between the end of the college football season and the national championship game we’re forced to endure a series of overly-sponsored match-ups by slightly-better-than-average football squads.  They are given a shot at eternal glory by conquering opponents in bowl games whose names leave even the most experienced commentators tongue tied.  So, whether we’re fans of the sport, fans of a team in the game, or someone who happens to be watching television over this holiday season, bowl games like the “Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl” often leave us with an overwhelming sense of confusion as to why teams are playing and who is watching.  Here are five bowl games whose names stand out as horribly mis-matched with the teams competing in them: