8 Keg Memes That Will Make You Nostalgic

Northwestern 2011-2012: The Year in Memes

Texting Hillary is my everything

Bet you anything she's sexting Howard Dean

By now, if you spend 23 hours and 45 minutes a day on the internet machine (15 minutes to shit and shower #hygiene) then you’ve probably seen the baller-fest that is this picture of Madame Secretary Hillary “Pimpz N Shit” Clinton. She sits in some sort of world-controlling military death machine, casually texting some biddies in her knock-off Ray Bans. The picture is, in essence, everything that shows why we need Hill to run for all of the offices in 2016. But why is this pikcha tearing up the online webverse? We’ve got a few ideas:

There’s like a 98% chance she’s sending an order to take out a terrorist
If you’re one of the bad people, this photo should give you shivers all up and down your spine and your neck and your heel and your inner thigh and your kneecap. That is the look of a woman who does not GAF at all. You just know she’s telling them to “try” to capture the terrorist, but if it just so happens that the only option is to fire indiscriminately into the room without looking, then so be it.*

She’s calmer than everyone because she’s smarter than everyone
LOL, look at everyone hurrying around in the background. What’re ya’ll doing? Trying to matter? Don’t even bother, your girl has it under control. See those stacks of paper in front of her? Those contain the knowledge. She has them memorized. U don’t. Put your laptops away, get off your phones, and sit quietly until Madame Secretary tells you to speak.

Hill has never looked better
Remember 90’s Hillary? With the headbands and the bright lipstick? GONE. What about 2008 Hillary? With those brightly colored pant suits? NAH MAN. This is HBIC attire at its finest. The dark suit says she may not have a pen15, but she’s got like 12 balls. The sunglasses say you don’t have the privelege of knowing where she’s looking. The Blackberry says she likes to have email at her fingertips, but a game of Angry Birds every now and then is great too. This is a woman who knows how to present herself, and we don’t hate it one bit.

The black and white makes it classy as shit
Woahhh this is so artsy. If only we could Instagram it so the hipsters can see it too.

Nuff said

It’s memeable
Fun fact: this is the most important attribute in any photo. If there isn’t a recurring theme that can be explained in a few short words of white text, why even bother putting the photo online? Like, what are we supposed to do with it? Look at it and not be heinous? YA, NO THANKS. PASS ON THAT ONE. This shit is splendid.

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*NOTE: Sherman Ave fully supports the Geneva Convention, United Nations Declaration of Human Rights, and not war crimes. Plz don’t interpret that to mean we like war crimes. #KONY2012, ya dig?

An ode to Northwestern memes

In the great Northwestern University student tradition of never doing anything original ever, we have succeeded in completely ripping off funny Madison students and made our very own Facebook group for Northwestern-themed memes. And even before Madison made their group, Sherman Ave’s very own Evander Jones and Ross Packingham engaged in a daylong meme duel on Facebook, laying waste to the timelines around them with their brutal label-based humor bludgeons. If you were Facebook friends with them and missed out on these two wunderkinds making memes of each other and generally raping newsfeeds everywhere, I feel bad for you. It would be akin to taking Professor Bailey’s Human Sexuality class and skipping the optional after-class discussions.

But even though it’s not original, Northwestern Memes is awesome. I mean, nobody cares if you’re copying someone else as long as you do it better, and we are definitely doing it better. My complete and utter lack of interest in Madison has prevented me from even perusing their meme group, but I can’t imagine it being anywhere as good as Northwestern Memes.

I love memes. Who doesn’t? They’re hilarious. In our modern ADD society, they offer quick, digestible little nuggets of insight and satire about our modern culture. They are the Internet at its greatest, smartest, and funniest. Sometimes they even reference such awesome things as Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings, which if you haven’t seen or read Lord of the Rings then you probably aren’t a Nerdwestern Northwestern student.

As a result, I love Northwestern Memes. I’m going to break down why I love Northwestern Memes into a list for you. Here’s why:

1. My last three articles have been thousand-word slogfests about coffee and/or Newt Gingrich, and I’m sure you’re all tired of it.
2. Sherman Ave is even better at doing lists than we are at making YouTube videos that get 10,000 hits in two days, so this is pretty much guaranteed to be awesome.
3. I want to write an easily digestible reflection on the easily digestible nature of memes.

See? Wasn’t that an awesome little list? Wasn’t it easily readable? Yes it was. Everybody loves lists, just like everybody loves memes. So without further ado, here’s a list of why I love Northwestern Memes:

Some of Them are Funny
Since Northwestern is full of people who are smart and aware of trends, some students have significant experience with memes, and it shows. Some of these memes would be genuinely funny even by the standards of the greater Internet, just as there are some students here who would be considered hot at any college. Just not many. Which leads me to my second reason for loving Northwestern Memes…

Some of Them are Spectacularly Unfunny
Yes! Hoo ha! Most people posting pics to this group are clearly making memes for the first time. Thus, we find ourselves faced with people who don’t understand memes, people who don’t understand specific memes, people who are just not funny, and people who are kind of funny but are fitting long-winded jokes onto a small meme template. It’s always fun to watch people fail. This is why everyone loves this year’s GOP presidential race.* What’s that? I sound like a condescending hipster? Well, I’m not the only one…

Meme Haughtiness
Some people hate hipsters. I love them. I find them hilarious, especially when the thing they’re being hipster about is silly and meaningless. Like say, the ability to make memes. Some of the very first posts in Northwestern Memes were warnings about how we were in for a flood of bad memes. And we kind of were…but it was still hilarious that people decided to lord their knowledge of the Internet as if it made them intellectually superior.**

It’s All a Giant Conspiracy
Turns out that all these “___ Memes” groups were started by one guy as an advertisement for an all-encompassing “Campus Memes” website he’s making. It’s a conspiracy! As if you didn’t already have enough reasons to love Northwestern Memes, here’s another: it has something in common with the assassination of JFK!

Ah, yes. But as much as I love Northwestern Memes, I do have one suggestion for improvement. Two words: more fucksaws. The memes are coming a mile a minute now, so maybe one slipped by me, but I have yet to see a single meme mention a single fucksaw. What’s the deal, Northwestern? Jokes about Asians are funny enough, but “I’m tired of talking about fucksaws” was probably the last line cut from the “Shit Nobody Says” video. I know the Keg is gone and Lodge is closed and stuff, but c’mon guys. Fucksaws, I tell you.

Other than that, keep on tracking.

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*Sorry, I just couldn’t stop myself from referencing it. I’m done now though. I promise.
**Morson alert!