Tag Archives: Michael Bolton

A Guide to Talking to Guys in DC Bars

27 Jan

So I’m doing the whole talking thing with these guys at a bar. They’re sitting down, drinking and saying cool things to each other like: “Yeah I totally agree.” I’m standing up next to them shaking my groove thing to some Spanish broad singing along to Michael Bolton’s “When a Man Loves a Woman.”

Somehow during all this excitement, Guy 1 (the one who isn’t Guy 2) gets in a huff because his appletini tips over like Humpty Dumpty. Before I asked him why he decided to leave his dick at home and order that drink, he starts antagonizing me like the baseball players used to do at my elementary school tetherball courts. Continue reading