A Plea: Don’t Give Up On Our Wildcats

When I think of this football season, I think of the proverbial Sweet 16th birthday in which nothing went according to plan. The one where you invited all the right people, planned all the right activities — maybe even picked up a six-pack of O’Douls — and yet, despite your best laid plans, the shit still somehow hit the fan. In fact, the fan-shit encounter wasn’t even benign enough that we could clean it up with Windex and some elbow grease. We’re talking a full-blown, weird-kid-in-kindergarten level of shit splatter, as if Quentin Tarantino were invited to direct the sequel to 2 Girls 1 Cup (presumably titled 3 Girls, 1 cups).

Calling All Fans: A Pep Talk For The NU Football Season

When you step foot on campus this fall, remember that you are here for only one reason. You’re not here to pass Orgo (not gonna happen regardless), you’re not here to rage at The Keg (I’m sorry, that was WAY too soon), and you reallyyyy aren’t here to earn any sort of degree (look, I’m on a six-year plan, k?).

The reason you’re at NU is to

A Game-By-Game Recap of NU’s Football Season

Man, did we get blueballed this season or what?

It was a lot like taking a detour to class through Kellogg to get a Jolly Rancher: sure the only ones left are the grape and even though everyone hates grape Jolly Ranchers, well at least it’s better than nothing. You also managed to avoid walking outside in the cold for another two minutes so all in all you came out better than you normally would have. With a feeling akin to soul-crushing emptiness but you root for Northwestern so don’t get greedy goddamnit.

With clear eyes and full hearts, let’s examine the season that was(n’t).

An Open Letter To The Capital One Bowl

Dear Capital One Bowl,

Well hey there. We’re Northwestern. Never heard of us before? That’s okay, we’re pretty new to the “relevant” part of college football town.

We heard you were thinking about asking us to come to your bowl game. As a school that doesn’t ever get invited to The Dance, that really meant a lot to us. We know you have a lot on your mind, but we thought we might just stop by with a few things to think about when you’re making your decision.