Thanksgiving is a time for family and togetherness, but it’s also a time for loving. Check out some our top tips for making your Thanksgiving the sexiest one yet. Continue reading
Cosmo’s 7 Tips for a Sexy Thanksgiving
27 Nov- Comments 1 Comment
- Categories Food, Lists
- Author Manua Hiki-Hiki
Sherman Ave Interviews: Morty Schapiro
6 JunThe Sherman Ave Editors (Evander Jones, Ross Packingham and Sir Edward Twattingworth III) sat down with Northwestern University President Morty Schapiro for an interview. Why he agreed to let us do this, we may never know, but we sure are happy he did.
Packingham: If you could make a drink called “The Morty,” what would it entail?
Morty: Oh man. Like an alcoholic drink?
Twattingworth: Wow, interesting that your mind went there.
Morty: Yeah… Well, you know when I drink, like last night–this is really exciting–but one-third orange juice, two-thirds Perrier.
Packingham: Perrier? Is that vodka? Or rum?
Morty: And they have to give me this much wine so I can hold it to pretend I’ll drink it, but I’m not a wine drinker. I like beer when I have Asian food. I like Thai beer, or Japanese beer or something.
Packingham: Like a Budweiser?
Morty: I don’t think I’ve ever had one of those. So I’m not big on like American Continue reading →
Tags: Al Cubbage, Allison, Allison Hall, Annenberg Hall, Annie Mae Swift, Bar Louie, Barry Glassner, Birdman, Budweiser, Burgwell Howard, Bush, Cardinal Dolan, Catholic Church, Ceylon, Chicago, Chicago Blackhawks, China, Chris Anderson, CIA, Coach Fitz, college, College of Arts and Sciences, Corey Moss, culture, Dale Mortensen, Dillo Day, Dostoevsky, Economics, Elder, Elder Hall, ETHS, Evander Jones, Evanston Township High School, For Members Only, Foster-Walker, Fountain Square, Garrett Theological Seminary, Gary Saul Morson, Gator Bowl, Gordon Gee, Greek Life, Hail to the Chief, Harris Hall, humor, interview, John Evans, John Pople, Joseph Kony, Judy Fiske, Kain Colter, Kellogg, Kendall Hackney, Kristin Scharkey, LA Times, Lewis and Clark, local, Los Angeles, Los Angeles Kings, March Hare, Mark II Lounge, Mayor Tisdahl, McCormick School of Engineering, Miami Heat, Milwaukee, Morton O. Schapiro, Morty, Morty Schapiro, Nate Silver, Native Americans, Nobel Prizes, Northwestern basketball, Northwestern Football, Northwestern University, Northwestern University Qatar, Notre Dame, NUPD, Ohio State University, Pat Fitzgerald, Patrick Ward, Patten Gymnasium, Perrier, Pete Miller's, Plex, President George H.W. Bush, President George W Bush, Rocky Wurtz, Ross Packingham, San Antonio Spurs, Shepard, Shepard Residential College, Sherman Ave, Sherman Avenue, Sir Edward Twattingworth III, Spokane, Stephen Sondheim, Sweeney Todd, Swift Hall, Tech Institute, The Cat's Table, The Daily Northwestern, The Deuce, The English Patient, The Girl Who Feel To Earth, The Keg of Evanston, Tolstoy, Tony Esposito, University of Chicago, University of Pennsylvania, University of Southern California, US News and World Report, Waa-Mu, Washington, Washington University in St Louis, wildcat, Wildkit, Willard, Willard Residential College, Williams College, World of Beer, Yao Ming
- Comments 9 Comments
- Categories Interviews, Local
- Author Sherman Ave
#GetFuckedIllini
23 NovDear Illini,
Get Fucked.
Tomorrow is a momentous day for the State of Illinois. No, to our knowledge Oprah won’t be returning her show to Chicago. And no, Rockford will not be ceded to Wisconsin. This Saturday marks something far more special: Northwestern’s physical and mental obliteration of the Illinois Fighting Illini for the vaunted Land of Lincoln Trophy.
Tags: Chicago Cubs, Chicago's Big Ten Team, Chief Illiniwek, critique, Cultural Misappropriation, Dan Vitale, defesne, Evan Watkins, football, get fucked, girls, Ibraheim Campbell, Illinois, Kain Colter, Kam's, Lake Michigan, Land of Lincoln, Leader's Division, Lincoln, Michigan, Nathan Scheelhaase, Native Americans, Northwestern, Rod Blagojevich, Sweet Sioux Tomahawk, trophy, University of Illinois, UW Madison, Venric Mark
- Comments 2 Comments
- Categories Sports
- Author Stephen Rees
On Columbus Day
10 Oct
Columbus valiantly raping native lands so future government employees could get a sweet three day weekend
First celebrated in the superlative state of Colorado in 1906, Columbus Day is the quintessential American holiday. While Christmas has too many European influences to be American, Halloween’s partnership with obesity makes it too specific to the Deep South, and the 4th of July is too close to Canada Day to be truly American, Columbus Day stands for all the true American values: land-snatching, tribe-subjugating, civilization-founding, and boats. It would be preposterous for our nation not to wholly dedicate this day to the recognition of our nation’s pure and righteous heritage. And yet – somehow, Northwestern University neglected to cancel classes today.

How can we honor the man when we can't even blow up an inflatable Charlie Brown to the size of Columbus' ego?
Therefore, the only plausible conclusion left is that Northwestern – and many other institutions that don’t fully recognize this sacred day (*cough* SOUTH DAKOTA *cough*) – fears that a grandiose celebration of Columbus Day might “offend” people like “Native Americans.” My response to this? Don’t let the myth of “political correctness” get in the way of celebrating our nation’s manifest destiny. We can just solve things the easy way: If the “indigenous” peoples are offended by our holidays, just offer them some basic incentives. Perhaps they would go for a summer home in Oklahoma? If that’s not enough, we could throw in paid travel expenses to seal the deal.
In retaliation to this unspeakable trend of political correctness, I encourage all readers to act in the most Columbian way possible. Spread your syphilis to as much of your community as you can. Paint “Santa Maria” on the side of your car and trespass on every property you see. Govern the Dominican Republic. Some may call you irrational and most will just call you an asshole, but I will call you a patriot and a role model.Tags: 1906, 4th of July, abominable crime, American, American culture, American values, asshole, boats, Canada Day, cancel classes, celebrate, celebration, Christmas, Christmas morning, civilization-founding, Colorado, Columbian, Columbus Day, Crossing the Delaware, Deep South, Dominican Republic, European influences, feeling, govern, grandiose, Halloween, heritage, history, incentives, indigenous, intoxicated students, irrational, Jewish, land-snatching, manifest destiny, Native Americans, Northwestern University, obesity, offend, Oklahoma, patriot, political correctness, pure, respect, righteous, role model, rurual barn, Santa Maria, Sherman Ave, side of your car, South Dakota, spread syphilis, syphilis, Tainos, Tax Day, travel expenses, trespass, tribe-subjugating, unspeakable trend, waking up on Christmas morning
- Comments 1 Comment
- Categories Uncategorized
- Author Ross Packingham
That’s right, we tweet too
Error: Please make sure the Twitter account is public.
Recent Posts
Top Posts
- The Most Disgusting Forms Of Animal Reproduction In Existence
- The Theater World's Best Drinking Games
- 3 Images From 90’s Cartoons That Prove We Are The Most F*cked Up Generation In History
- 10 Cartoon Characters We Can't Help but be Attracted To
- Confused Persian Army Shows Up For Dance Marathon
- Bartistics: Quantifying the Best Northwestern Bars
- Obama Renaming NFL Teams After Care Bears
- Dillo Day, as told by a real live drunk person
- Sherman Ave Interviews: Morty Schapiro
- 11 Things Only 1790s Kids Will Understand
The Heinouses
- Alabaster Chevrolet
- azessar
- Charlotte Clunt
- cholub
- Clifford Scarlet
- Commandant Leo Sextoi
- Cobra Lederham
- Codine Banks
- Reverend Doctor Dee Dee Turlington, Esquire, Attorney at Law
- Detroit Slim
- Doctor Tattersail
- Dolphintail Espinoza
- Elder Tickles
- Eleanor Kinkervoss
- Stephen Rees
- Felicity Jenkins
- Felix Jortex
- Frank, The Guardian of Pain
- Ammonia$ta Dribbling
- horatiofourgasm
- Hudson River
- Blaise Bernard
- Jameson the Manatee
- Jasper Cartwright
- Clint Taurus
- ~Lady Keystone~
- Toaster Oven
- Manua Hiki-Hiki
- mattbaron
- Sir Edward Twattingworth III
- Ross Packingham
- ParrtyCat
- Lumberjack Steve
- Phil Dickelson
- Pip Sleazy
- Prof. J. Reginald Vandernips
- Prince Giblets
- Samwise Donkenstein
- Scurvy Jacobson
- Sherman Ave
- Smangston Hughes
- Sparky Brownwhistle
- Sperry Mae Woodpecker
- Virgil Goldstaff
- Marietta Von Festering
- Walter Klondike™