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Tag Archives: new student center

29 Things that will Happen at Northwestern Just After You Graduate

12 Feb

1) The US News & World Report will rank Northwestern in the Top 10 Best Schools in the Nation.

Opening date: June 21, 2014, THE EXACT MOMENT Commencement ends. (via The Daily Northwestern)

Opening date: June 20 2014, THE EXACT MOMENT Commencement ends. (via The Daily Northwestern)

2) The University will purchase 25 new safe ride cars.

3) The new student center and lakeside athletic facilities will be built literally overnight, complete with sports bar.

4) Morty will commission a Continue reading

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Candyless Schapiro Reminds Trick-or-Treaters About New Student Center

31 Oct

Pictured: Schapiro, just trying to manage the University’s goddamn money, okay?

EVANSTON, Ill. — Northwestern University President Morton O. Schapiro reportedly attempted to comfort disappointed trick-or-treaters at his home by reminding them that a new student center is probably going to be built in the next 20 years.

“There there, children,” said Schapiro softly. “We understand that you’re disappointed we don’t have any candy for you. But this new student center is going to Continue reading

Northwestern to Break Ground on Huge Fucking Inconvenience in 2015

8 Oct
Just the cherry on top that your day needed.  Source: Some jackass architect

Just the cherry on top that your day needed.
Source: Some jackass architect

EVANSTON, Ill. – Explaining that nothing was more important than the future of Northwestern University and its students, university president Morton Schapiro announced plans to break ground on Northwestern’s newest massive inconvenience by Fall of 2015.

“We could not be more excited about getting started on this project,” President Schapiro insisted of the enormous eye-sore of a construction site, which will begin to frustrate students as soon as the current gigantic annoyance is underway.

Continue reading